


Just One Story

by intaspend



Category: Naruto
Genre: /end mentions of, Abuse, Alcohol, Asexual Character, Asexual Hatake Kakashi, Asexual Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Explosions, Fire, Homoromantic, Idiots, Injury, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder(canon-typical), Past Child Abuse, Scars, Slavery, Slow Burn, Starvation, Teasing is flirting, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anxiety attack, mentions of:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-23 00:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20331289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intaspend/pseuds/intaspend
Summary: Taka is a ninja who deals with different personal issues including work, change, and making connections.This is his story.





	1. How He Wants to Live

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna warn you all here... This has no 'climax'. There's not a big 'point' that everything that happens leads up to. Sure, there's groundwork for that sorta thing, and everything pays off, and is even dealt with (even if a bit lazily at some points, or, well... lazily, in general... I wrote the ending when I was tired.) But that wasn't even what I wrote this for. I'll be updating every week, not because I'm writing it, it's finished, but because editing requires fresh eyes and also because that's how I want to do it.
> 
> PS:  
Also, if you feel like I need to add a tag go ahead and say something. It's very easy for me to miss something.

He was seven when the Hokage died. He was a newly minted genin, just a few missions out of the academy. They had told him he was exceptional, but after that night he never felt that way again. 

He was doing his job, protecting the village. It was nothing to be praised for. After all, they had all failed, all the ‘exceptional’, ‘prodigious’ ninja. Even the Hokage couldn’t protect his own family.

There was nothing to be proud of at all.

He was 19 now, an ANBU agent of nine long years.

“Focus, Taka, we’re on a mission,” His thoughts were broken by his superior, for this mission, Neko was commanding officer.

God he was fucking annoying. Technically he was only half right, they were on mission but they were making camp- no reason he can’t space out for two goddamn seconds.

“Yes Sir,” He was glad for these masks sometimes. He didn’t hide his expressions well, even when he could mask his tone perfectly. 

They didn’t send him on many undercover missions. 

“Did you hear? They’re making the Kyuubi into a genin,” he scoffs, it’s a disgusting sound, “We better keep on our toes, can’t be having outside threats when we’re going to let a monster in our midst,” 

Taka gets the strong feeling that if Neko wasn’t wearing a mask, he would spit.

“How old are you?”

Neko looks confused, a little taken aback, but he answers, “22”

“And when did you graduate?”

“Normal age, 12”

He looks at him balefully for a few long moments, “You didn’t see it then, did you? The Kyuubi?”

Neko, and their other associates look uncomfortable. None of them saw it. He was the only one who had.

“Well, no, but-”

Taka doesn’t let him finish speaking, “If you had, you wouldn’t call that boy the Kyuubi. It was a monster. Not a boy. I don’t expect you to understand, I just expect you not to open your mouth in front of someone who knows better again, understand?”

His mouth clamps shut. Taka can hear the click of his teeth.

“S-sorry,” He looks scared.

They all look scared.

He guesses, on a level, he can understand Naruto. People find him scary too. A girl told him once, something like ‘you look down on people, and it really seems like you could kill them if you decided to. I won’t live like that.’

That had always confused him. Had they been dating? She liked to kiss him a lot, but he never responded and she hadn’t asked his opinion on the matter.  
Oh well, she was in the past anyway. 

He lets out a noise of derision. These are supposed to be ANBU? Cowering like a citizen? His specialty isn’t even ninjutsu- it’s weapon’s usage, but these dumbasses wouldn’t even know that much. 

He turns away and jumps into a tree to keep watch. He doesn’t trust these guys with his life. They’re all incompetent.

\----

A week later, heading home after reporting in on that mission, karma decides to bite him in the ass for that comment. 

He falls off a roof.

It wasn- okay, it was his fault. Completely.

He ends up blinking back into consciousness to a single dark eye staring down at him with a glint of amusement behind the bored exterior.

Kakashi- the reason he had fallen off the roof in the first place. Catching sight of Kakashi had distracted him enough that he lost his footing and tumbled off the roof, straight into a dumpster (where he temporarily lost consciousness) and apparently, onto the ground.

When he glances around, he realizes there are three more kids there. Kakashi had a team? Why didn’t he know this? It was kind of his job- oh shit, it’s Naruto and the Uchiha kid.

No wonder they gave this team to Kakashi, what a handful. Maybe they were hoping he’d fail them.

He drags his gaze back to Kakashi, who he can tell is just a heartbeat away from laughing. He groans, and pulls himself up into a sitting position.

“That was on purpose-” and that does it, Kakashi starts to laugh. The way he laughs is so full of life. It’s full, and deep, it's- okay, it’s a little mocking, but the way Kakashi bends over with it, placing a hand on the wall for support, and just looking happy far makes up for the humiliation. Not looking happy often is a trait they both share. He’s almost smiling before he realizes it, but quickly erases any trace of the expression.

He likes seeing the generation Kakashi is from happy. Protecting their smiles makes him feel a little better about life, that’s all. It didn’t have anything to do with Kakashi specifically.

He watches Kakashi with a raised eyebrow, waiting for the laughter to die out. The idiot adds a final touch of wiping a fake tear from his eye before finally quitting his mocking laughter, “Sasuke, make sure Takashi here manages to get home without falling off any more roofs, you can catch up with us later.”

Yeah, the people who assign ANBU code names aren’t subtle.

He pushes himself up off the ground, managing to suppress another groan that wants to come out, “I’m fine Kakashi, just a loose tile. There’s not even a scratch on me. I can get home by myself”  
The bastard smirks at him.

“As a citizen after a fall like that, I would be remiss in my duties as a shinobi to let you go home without an escort, Takashi”

He was going to slaughter whoever said that ANBU couldn’t pose as Chuunin in their daily lives.

Sasuke fucking tsks. At him! He was going to stab Kakashi later. Literally stab him. 

“Let’s go, I don’t have time for this”

Oh, Naruto and the one with pink hair have been practically yelling at each other and everyone else this whole time, he’s just been ignoring it. He doesn’t respond to rude queries made in outside voices. It’s the principle of the thing.

He tsks back at the kid, again, for the principle of the thing, and sighs like he’s very much put out by this. Like it’s the end of the world.

“Fine, but this is the last time I babysit for you, Kakashi”

Kakashi grins, and jumps to the rooftop, getting one last statement in before disappearing with Pinky and Naruto, “What, so no drinks tonight?”

Was that an invitation? Or was he just mocking them both? Or both? He glares at the space Kakashi disappeared from a second too long for the emo Uchiha.

“Get moving loser, I don’t have all day,” Sasuke is already walking, he’s already most of the way to the main road. Wow, what a way to treat a civilian. 

He nearly smiles, and follows Sasuke as quickly as he assumes a civilian could.

They’re walking for a few minutes before Sasuke opens his mouth again, “You know Sensei,” he says, in a way that oddly reminds Taka of a question.

“We go to the same grocery store.”

That much was true. They did. It was weird every time to be honest, especially because Kakashi was always reading, so he always ended up staring for too long, and then he would look up, and then it would be really awkward. 

Every. Single. Time.

Sasuke doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t say anything more. He leaves without a word as soon as they get to his apartment. 

He slips inside, locking the door with a flick of his wrist. He doesn’t bother turning on the light. He grabs a stale bun from the cabinet where he knows he left it, and goes straight to bed.  
It’s not like there’s much for him here anyway.


	2. What's a date? Never heard of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late at night. I got contacts today, and it was a long drive. My eyes hurt. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

He wakes up to the sound of his window sliding open. He's a little sluggish and dizzy, but he shrugs it off. He's probably just been running himself ragged, as usual. More importantly, someone's coming in the window. What an idiot.

He's just reaching under his pillow for his Kunai when the light flicks on, and a familiar voice invades his ears. Loudly.

“Little long for a nap. You were late for drinks,” the intruder sounds like he's taking amusement from all this, and he probably is.

Taka recognizes him now. Kakashi. He was right, it was an idiot. He lets go of the Kunai, pushing himself up in bed with some amount of effort.

“Time is serious?”

Wow, he's really fucking tired, he'd been trying to say 'you were serious? What time is it?’

Kakashi raises an amused eyebrow, “Maybe you should start with coffee.”

Taka shrugs, rolling himself onto the floor in the process. Which was a mistake.

“I don't drink coffee.”

Again, the eyebrow is raised, “That explains a lot.”

He picks himself up off the floor, glaring at the dark hardwood. Why he ever thought not getting a rug was a good idea, he'll never know.

“Give me a sec to put another shirt on that isn't so wrinkled and then we can go,” he's not looking at Kakashi when he speaks, he's too busy rubbing the sand out of his eyes, so he doesn't see however Kakashi reacts to his consent to go get drinks. Probably nothing. It's not like he cares anyway.

When he looks up, Kakashi isn't even in the room anymore. He pulls his shirt off, padding over to his closet.

He pulls on one of his more revealing shirts without thinking about it. He's headed to the door when he pauses, looking down at his chest. He knows Kakashi won't mind it- he's not that kinda guy. Still, tonight isn't a night he wants to talk about how he got this scar. It's a nasty thing that snakes up his chest, over his shoulder and onto his back. He touches the end of it, on the back of his neck, and puts on a different shirt.

Almost as soon as he's finished Kakashi pops back up again.

“You ready to go?”

How the fuck did he do that? Fucking scary as shit.

“Yeah, where we headed?”

“It's a bar I know further toward the mountain side, they make a good sex on the farm,” he said, with a straight face.

“Oh, I've always preferred sex on the beach,” Taka replied, also with a perfectly straight face.

“I'll have to try it,” and then, because the man seems to have an obsession with getting the last word in, he hops out the window.

Taka follows close behind, making sure to use the chakra manipulation that yes, he learned explicitly for this purpose, to lock the window behind them.

Following Kakashi is fun.

He nearly doesn't want to admit it, but it's undeniable. The wind, the small moments of flying between rooftops, the way he occasionally glances back to make sure Taka hasn’t fallen behind.  
It's the most fun Taka can remember having in a long time. 

Plus, watching Kakashi's insane hair flap about is funny as hell. 

They reach their destination far too soon, and he enters fully expecting to be immediately annoyed with the atmosphere.

It surprises him.

It's quiet.

People are murmuring, but that's it. It's more like a restaurant then a bar, but it is a bar. It has radio, but there's a table for it, and it's down so low you can only hear it if you're near the table. Kakashi leads him through the establishment into the back, which has a smaller bar with a different bartender, and is somehow even quieter and cozier than the other room. The room isn't lit by lamps, but by candles. It's a little hard to see, but there's nothing in the way of the walkways, so it's not a huge deal.

Kakashi takes him to a small table, and shows him to use the notepad on the table to order drinks. The bartender infused it with her chakra, so she can 'see’ what you write on it. 

Cool.

He scratches out an order and hands the pad over to Kakashi. While Kakashi is ordering, he pulls out his wallet and double checks what he has on him, counting how many drinks he can get at a maximum without going over. It’s too many for him to drink, so he doesn’t bother with his usual trick for getting his drunk self to remember this time. Besides, he does have to work tomorrow.

Kakashi sets the pad to the side, smiling that fake-ish one-eyed smile of his. He must be having fun, even if the smile’s not genuine completely, Kakashi doesn’t smile like that if he’s not enjoying himself a little.

It just usually means he’s going to mess with someone.

He feels a muscle twitch in his face, and realizes he’s almost relaxed. He quickly schools himself back into a mask of vigilance. Even in a place like this, it was impossible to tell who your enemies were. There could be spies anywhere, and he was ANBU, which meant that any action could lead to a much worse chain reaction.

Neither of them speak until after they down their first shots.

Taka makes a noise of appreciation, setting his glass down lightly on the table, “They do make a mean cocktail. How’d you ever find this place?”

Kakashi almost looks- something. Something Taka can’t identify anymore, but not happy, no, he definitely didn’t look happy. Then it passes, like the instances where Taka almost relaxes, quick and as fleeting as the wind.

Kakashi smiles his trademark smile, “I helped a pregnant woman stand and she told me about her husband’s favorite bar in town,” his sincere sounding voice somehow makes the lie even more obvious. At least, to Taka.

Taka doesn’t call him out on it, downing the next shot before answering.

“Her husband has good taste then. I think we’d get along,” Taka specifically doesn’t look at Kakashi when he finishes speaking, sipping at his next drink. 

Kakashi lets out a laugh and downs his next shot, “Yeah, I hope so.”

That’s how they spent the night, Kakashi laughing, and Taka almost-smiling. Them both getting far to drunk for their own good. Neither of them can bring themselves to care.  
Or, they wouldn’t have, if Taka hadn’t stumbled and blacked out three blocks from home.

\-----

Concussion. A large one. It’d happened during the tumble he'd taken from the rooftop, he just hadn’t noticed, given that he'd had worse injuries. He was lucky to be awake, and not in a semi-permanent coma. Apparently, drinking alcohol while concussed was a bad idea.

If there was one good thing about the drinks they’d had, it was that Kakashi waking him had probably saved his life, according to the doctor.

Kakashi wasn’t there when he woke up. He hadn’t expected him to be, it was nearing noon when he woke up, and ‘Sensei’ had a team to lead.

That hadn’t stopped him from looking though.

The nurse said that he stayed by his side until nearly nine. That’s pushing it, even for Kakashi. 

Taka feels something, in his chest. He’s not quite sure what it is. He ignores it.

The Hokage comes to visit. He tells Taka that after his concussion is sufficiently recovered, he would lead his team on dangerous mission in the desert, likely to keep him away from Konoha for a while.  
He’s not sure how to feel about that, the old booger probably didn’t even need anything.

He likes going on missions. He likes being a shinobi. So why does the idea of being away from Konohagakure feel so wrong all of a sudden?

He doesn’t get it.

He responds to the Hokage with a crisp “Yes, sir,” that doesn’t let any of this odd feeling out into the world.

He wanted to go. He would far rather be out there, risking his life on missions then sitting around here waiting to get compliant and be eaten. No, he would much rather ignore the odd feeling and do what he had always done. Complete the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah dude just stood up with a headache and blurry vision after taking a tumble and was like 'this is normal'.  
Also if anyone knows a good font to use that would make the normal font pop a lot when used in contrast that would be helpful...


	3. Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't edited at all which is regrettable because I felt like this one was the one that needed the most editing. But I promised once a week so here we are. Plllleeeeeaaase point out typos, and also feel free to suggest other edits.  
I'm tired.

It took a week before the Doctor would clear him to go on the mission. He tried to leave after three days, but the Hokage refused, saying he needed a signed note from the Doctor. How annoying. The old geezer shouldn’t butt in where he’s not needed. Taka was _fine_. He was always fine.

When he's finally released after a week of hell, he makes sure he gets to their meeting spot early. It’s an alleyway near the gates, where it's deserted. No one in town comes near the gates. They've learned that if something is going to happen, it's usually by the gates.

The assholes he calls teammates always show up exactly on the dot or late, leaving him waiting for their lazy asses and having to rush them out without double-checking. This is why he's the only one who never forgets anything.

He pauses- Kakashi always shows up late, extremely late, why’s that different? He frowns, then shrugs. Because he likes Kakashi better than these idiots that’s why. 

He sighs. At least it gives him time to check his gear again before they head out. A knife can never be too sharp. Okay, that's a lie, don't over-sharpen your knives kids, there's only so much metal on there.

He’s nearly done, with just a few shuriken left to double-check when a light-hearted voice cuts through the silence of the alleyway, “Yo, Taka, finally back in action are you?”

Chou. He inclines his head minisculely towards the man in the butterfly mask, then goes back to his task. He’s nearly done anyway.

“Damn, you’re so methodical. Isn’t checking before you get here enough? I know you do it, so why bother?”

This again? They all felt the need to deride him for not being as lazy as them. Why don’t you sit down on watch? Why do you bother cleaning your gear every day? Why, why, why?

He jerks his head up to snap at him. He's forced to stop, freezing where he is to keep any sign of the sudden lurching the world was doing off of his face. His senses clear. He still has to work with Chou, he can’t be nasty to him, and it was just a question. That, and he can’t let on that the concussion is still bothering him. Knowing these guys, they’ll use any excuse to get one over on him. And they'd probably be right to.

Another, somehow lazier, voice interrupts him before he can properly respond, “Don’t bother asking, he’s not going to give you a real response.”

Accurate, but it's still annoying. He shoots her a glare that… she… can’t... see... He’s wearing a mask. That’s besides the point. He glares at her and it comes across very angry and that's all that matters.

He finishes checking his final shuriken, the skin on his thumb red and nearly bleeding from checking so many blade edges, and slides it back into its holder with the others.

He sighs, “Is Neko going to take a shot at me too when he gets here? Or are you all done?”

Okay, maybe he can’t hide all of his annoyance in the name of professionalism.

“Well I was, but now that would just feel awkward,” Neko steps out into the alley, looking more sheepish than Taka is willing to believe he actually feels. 

“No, go ahead, I’ll feel unsatisfied if you don’t," His words are dry. He can't escape it either way, he might as well welcome it.

“If you insist,” he smirks. What…? Oh. Oh that old bastard told him, didn't he- Neko don’t you fucking da- “I thought you were supposed to be Mr. Prodigy, all better than us. I wasn’t aware that prodigies fell off roofs and get concussions. Are you sure you shouldn’t turn tail and run home to nurse your injuries, Ta-ka?”

He barely manages to put a curb to his anger. That was low. He turns away, trying to look nonchalant, “Yeah, yeah laugh it up. I can see the headlines 'Human being slips like happens to everyone and hits head which results in common injury.' I’m so embarrassed.”

Even though he was trying to pass it off with sarcasm, he really is embarrassed. It shouldn’t have happened, especially to him. He shouldn't have let himself get distracted like that.  
But it shuts Neko up, which was the point. It’s too late, but it’s satisfying to tongue-tie the ass.

The other two look concerned. He scowls. He’s fine, bit of dizziness isn’t going to kill them all. Probably. If they say anything, he’s going to get more annoyed, so he changes the subject before they can, “Look, for reasons you’ve been informed of, the Hokage hasn’t briefed me on more than the extreme basics on the mission, so either fill me in now or decide on a time before we go.”

That manages to dispel most of the awkward mood as they all quickly transition into work mode. Despite appearances to the contrary, they all were indeed professionals at the top of their field. Who'd have thought.

“Seriously? You’re lead on this mission and he didn’t even tell you what we’re doing?” Chou sounds rightfully annoyed. Taka is too. 

“It is what it is. We should fill Taka in on the details on the road, all he needs to know right now is the specific locale of the mission, and that we’re assassinating a nasty slave merchant that has been coming too far into Leaf Village lately,” As she talks, she reaches for a scroll with the mission details and hands it to Taka.

Always the icky jobs.

They pull out a map, and show him the town they’re hoping to intercept the merchant at- a precaution, in case they get separated, and then they’re off. He feels something oddly like what he’s heard melancholy be described as, seeing Konoha get smaller and smaller in the distance, and eventually disappearing behind the trees. He doesn’t though, He doesn’t feel things like melancholy. He’s never had a reason to. 

To clarify, he’s not emotionless, and he doesn’t claim to be. Most of the time he has a neutral sort of feeling, but he definitely gets annoyed and angry- a lot. He stated his embarrassment earlier, and he definitely has moods where he’s more content and pleased. They’re just nowhere near as intense or action-altering as he’s lead to believe they’re supposed to be. It’s sort of like a fish. Most of the time he’s swimming in an ocean of neutrality, then sometimes he jumps out of it, sometimes successive times in a row, but he always returns to just swimming along in the same old ocean. He’s more used to jumping in some spots than others, and there’re spots he’s never jumped at as well.

Yes, he likes that analogy.

It takes two days at their pace to get to the desert village where the target is waiting at. It can barely be called a village anymore. It's been turned into one huge market, with cages of humans animals, and other equally disgusting wares all through the streets. He wonders for a moment where the people who used to live there are, and quickly decides he doesn't want the answer to that question. There are a lot of staff for an operation of this size, and even more security. They’ll have to incapacitate or kill nearly all of them to have any hope of freeing the people and animals. It wasn't their job, but when it came to things like this, more often then not it was an unspoken rule that those from the leaf wouldn't turn away. 

Not everyone gets the memo.

His concussion has gotten worse these last couple of days. It’s starting to concern him, as the dizzy spells are starting to come at random, and far more frequently, but he can’t say anything now. Not after the confrontation before they left, and definitely not now that they’re here. Besides, unless he was going up against a monster like Itachi or Kakashi, a small dizzy spell wasn't going to make that big of a difference.

He clears his throat and lays out orders quickly and clearly, “Neko, Saru, check the extent of their security, and find the merchant while you’re at it. Chou and I will take stock of the victims and animals that need to be freed and relocated. Meet back here in four hours. If we’re not done, we’ll trade information, take a small break and head back out. Dismissed.”  
Within seconds they all disappear to their various tasks.

He split them into pairs, as was customary, but the likelihood they would actually work like that was slim. They didn't have enough time to waste having two people on the same job. If a caravan went out before they could execute the operation they might never find the ones taken.  
Him and Chou had a short meeting, and decide on how to split the count.They quickly agreed on a system of counting both the humans and the animals, and disappeared to separate corners to do their jobs.

It's likely Neko and Saru had nearly done the same thing. They were all taught out of the same playbook after all.

The work is tedious. It tears at the mind and soul. There's not enough words in the world to describe the horrors he saw.

There’s only so many times that even a person as cold as him can look at starving, traumatized, overworked, deathly ill, abused, you name it children before it starts to wear a person down.

Or maybe that’s just the concussion talking.

Either way, the break that their check-in meeting gives him is a much needed one. The others look as tired as he feels, so perhaps he was right the first time.

Using the heat, and the information Neko and Saru gave him- No one left the village alone, security was more focused inside, and only worked the gates and most importantly, that the next wagon train wasn’t leaving for a few days as excuses, he tells all of them to rest for the night. They'd gotten a good chunk of reconnaissance done, so despite the large area they would probably finish the next day. Or so he hoped.

Even he’s not sure how much more of that he could take. It would probably be faster to finish it all tomorrow anyway, people work and count better when they're rested. Plus, this gives him a chance to properly observe shift changes and overall morale. 

The place is ridiculously large- they barely get finished by five the next day, even with the four of them, but they manage to compile all the information they need and start a plan of attack.

They'd polish the details through the night, and strike in the morning when the shift changed. The caravan scheduled to leave the day after wouldn't even exist by the time they'd finished.

Nothing could go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Nothing could go wrong' he says, as he rushes a job. Lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is short, and also late, but I edited both the last chapter and this one to make up for it. Sorry <_<

Things go wrong. They go so, so, horribly wrong. It's his fault.

He got separated from his team. 

They're fine, of course, but he has to move fast- so fast, faster than the fire raging around him.

His fault.

He doesn't have time.

He doesn’t have time to save the ones who don’t move when he opens the doors.

That could mean even more dying.

More people dying. 

His fault.

The fire. They had scoured the place, checked all the security, how could they have missed-?! It didn’t matter, he has to unlock the next cage. 

He has to rip the bars open, no time to bother with the locks.

His arms burn. Is it the fire, or the strain? He can't tell anymore.

When he first sprinted out on the street, Neko was right behind him, unlocking things he missed and helping those he can’t, but he hasn’t seen the man in what seems like hours. He can't see anything but the bars in front of him.

Chou and Saru must have gone to hunt down the slave trader that had slipped away in the explosion. 

He kills anyone who he identifies as security or even people he thought just looked wrong.

But he was not a good judge, and he was not the hero of tonight.

He’s throwing more cage doors open, how many did that make? He finally sees Neko, just barely, from the corner of his eye. 

He’s holding a child. They're surrounded by the flames.

Neko’s specialty was Taijutsu. He could use Ninjutsu, yes, but not enough to stop the wall of flames bearing down on him. Not with his hands occupied.

He wrenches the door off the cage he's next to, barely paying attention to the show of extraordinary strength. 

He's moving. He's sprinting. 

He can't reach. No... No! 

No, he can. He can reach. It's the same principle isn't it, it's just a replacement. It just goes like this-

He feels the sudden wall of flames bearing down on him more than he can see it, but he can see Neko, still holding the child close, out of the corner of his eye. Always out of the corner. They're safe.

He smiles.

The flames lick closer. He needs to redirect their flow, get them to burn through the streets, not down them. The further down they go, the harder it is for those already saved to escape. If he could get the flames to come this way, faster, so the rest would follow. Neko would have time to get out of here. He could save the kid.

He could finish the mission.

He signs a quick order to Neko- knows the shinobi is still watching him from shock. Didn’t expect that, didya asshole? Haha… 

He turns to the flames. His specialty. He created this, and he can still feel it, even though it raged far out of his control.

He remembers carefully honing a spark, the hours of practice, the pain of copying jutsu no one thought he could do. He remembers Kakashi’s smile- his real one. The one that's rarer than a four leaf clover.

He raises his hands. No, his specialty wouldn’t do here. The flames aren't in the mood to listen, not today. But he doesn't need the flames. After all, the flames may call to him with their sweet poison, but he’s never had to ask to change the wind.

The wind picks up slowly at first, but quickly whips up into a gale around him. He can no longer see Neko out of the corner of his eye. Everything is a mess of red, and black and the blur of wind-begotten tears. The wind reaches a howl. He can barely feel the heat anymore. The sweet embrace of the gusts seem to hold the whole world stagnant for a moment. For a moment, just one, the flames seem to die back, curling in on themselves. Shrinking, like a shy child. 

Then the world is filled with white, and it’s the last thing he remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the shortness of this really reflects how Taka feels about it. Like he's too focused to even really have thoughts or observations to give to the reader.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SPACED THAT I DIDN'T UPDATE AHHH. I'm so sorry. If there's anyone who actually follows this and cares, please, feel free to let me know when I've forgotten because I am REALLY bust right now, and about to get busier, so if I forget, I will FORGET.  
This isn't edited again... I'm sorrrryyyyy.

He didn’t get that guy. He really didn’t. Sometimes he thinks that the guy might actually feel something, even if that feeling is annoyance at the team. Or when it almost seems like he’s making a joke, when he decides to use an overdramatic tone. Then, everything on his in his body language and tone just dies, and he can’t really convince himself that Taka even knows what feelings are.

He had thought- really thought- for a second yesterday, that Taka was a normal guy. His brain had been tricked by the exasperated tone that reminded him so much of familiar banter, that he had almost smiled at the guy, almost took back his barbed words as teasing. 

Then he met the guy’s eyes.

He could barely see them through the mask, but... they’re dead. There’s not a person behind him at all. His mouth had clamped shut so fast that he nearly bit right through his tongue.

He knew Taka’s backstory, at least, as close to a version of events as they could get without compromising identity. It was one of the first exercises their original captain had insisted on, so except for Chou, they all knew each other’s backstories. Taka’s, well, it’s fucked. It’s totally fucked up, but it’s nowhere near the worst that he’s ever heard. Hatake-Senpai’s, for example, totally stomped it into the mud. That’s an extreme example though, and he wasn’t even supposed to know about that. 

So say, it was worse than the demon kids’, but not near as bad as like, the Uchiha kids’. Capiche?

The point was- he had no idea what made Taka that way. It’s just how the dude was. It was freakin’ terrifying to be honest. 

Even when he figured Taka might be in something like a good mood, he never laughed. Not even a chuckle. Not even a sarcastic chuckle. He couldn’t really tell if he ever smiled, but he couldn’t picture it.  
Taka didn’t have bad moods. He just went more neutral, less likely to be baited into talking to the rest of them.

So that’s why he’s so astonished when he hears a panicked shout from the guy. 

They had moved in on the Slavers. The ‘council’ of merchants and pissants met in a warehouse at around eight pm. A perfect opportunity to get them all in one place that they hadn’t expected to have, so they moved in. 

Some of the security guards were Shinobi, so Taka had moved in on them while the rest of them hacked down the defenseless corpses, ahem, he means targets. 

He didn’t like to watch Taka fight. Taka had a special jutsu. He called it ‘Fire Whirlwind’ which, while completely accurate, wasn’t particularly fitting. 

Taka would throw blades of wind wrapped in flames from within a whirlwind. He would pluck the blades from the mix of fire and wind. 

It creeped him the fuck out. The flickering light made his teammate look terrible, and sinister, and as much as he didn’t get the guy, he didn’t like thinking about him as a villain.

So he didn’t look. So he wasn’t watching when Taka is thrown into a stack of containers- has no idea how it happened, and it’s only the panicked shout from a voice that it can’t possibly be from that drags his gaze up from the cowering corpse, over to his coworker.

His eyes widened, realizing what was about to happen moments before it did, not even seeing the corpse slip out the door as an explosion rips out from the side of the room his teammate is on.  
Then the town is on fire. 

He wasn’t worried about Taka, the man has fast reflexes, and he had seen him jump for safety just barely before the flames from his jutsu lit the black powder on fire. But the town, on the other hand...

It was his fault. It was all his fault, how had he not noticed those barrels? He'd checked the warehouse himself. He turns and- fuck, fuck, he’d screwed up twice as bad because now the one scumbag had gotten away. 

Taka didn't even ask him what happened, he just came barreling towards them, snapping orders.

And so they went.

Taka was so fast. Neko did the best he could, pulling famished people up, helping them out of cages, opening any Taka missed, but he just couldn’t keep up. He was supposed to be on the same level as this man, but right at the moment he didn’t feel anywhere close.

His finds a small child with a broken ankle, and a resigned look in their eyes, and he can’t just leave them. 

The flames have come too close now in the time he spent soothing the child, and when he turns around, holding the kid close, they’re surrounding the two of them. He sees Taka turn to look, so he meets his eyes. So this time, he sees it when Taka moves. Somehow he still misses it, the exact moment when he ends up where Taka was standing just a moment before.

For the first time ever, he sees Taka smile. He could tell, somehow, that’s what he was doing.

No. No. Not like this.

And then Taka was giving him an order.

‘Run.’

Run?

He felt the wind from where he was.

And then he ran.


	6. Not the Last Hospital Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taka's hospital experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I look back at it, I realize that this is actually pretty much filler, used to tie up the last bit and move on to the next bit.

He woke up. 

That was surprising in the first place.

The pain wasn’t. It was agonizing, but dull. Painkillers, then.

He also recognized the dull stench of antiseptic. His team had gotten him to a hospital. How? Neko wouldn’t have disobeyed orders, Chou and Saru were nowhere close, no one else would have bothered, and he had likely been engulfed in flames. So how?

He wasn’t going to find out by laying down like an invalid.

He sits up. It’s painful, but it’s proof that he’s alive. He’s not in a private room, but there’s not another patient on the other bed for now. However, there is a man sleeping on the chair next to his bed, watching over him.

He studies the man. Familiar, but not the face. ANBU then. Which one? He’d know if he heard the voice.

Taka isn’t wearing his mask. The hospital must have insisted, so the member must have at least given him the courtesy of mutual vulnerability by taking his own off.  
He can’t exactly go over there and shake him, so he has to hope the shinobi actually kept his guard up at home as well.

He coughs, and manages to croak out, “Hello.”

The shinobi starts. Success.

He’s staring at him. The look on his face is weird. It makes his wounds hurt more.

“You’re awake,” he sounds like he can scarcely believe it.

Neko.

He probably can’t. He nearly died right in front of the man’s eyes, after all.

He still doesn’t dignify that with a response, in favor of raising an eyebrow at him.

“Ah, right, of course you are. Silly. I’m Akio. I, uh, the hospital told me your name,” Nek-Akio fumbled with his words, making himself look ridiculous. It’s not like he hadn’t seen teammates actually die.  
He tests out his voice again, and ends up having to force his query past an aching throat. He should probably have asked for water but- ah, Akio is a step ahead of him, handing him the water with a straw before answering.

“Ah, Taka-Takashi,” Nice save, “I actually have a water affinity. I can’t use ninjutsu with it, because I don’t have as much chakra as you, but sometimes duress...,” Akio trails off, but it’s fine. That answers how he was alive well enough, for now.

He hands the water back to Akio, and leans back down into the bed. For now he should sleep.

Just after he closes his eyes, he forces two more words through his damaged throat, that he thinks Akio might need to hear, and then he passes back into unconsciousness.

When he wakes up again, Akio is gone. His throat doesn’t hurt nearly as bad, and he can actually sit up without agonizing pain. Yay. There’s someone else new in his room, leaning against the door, someone he doesn’t know, but he recognizes.

“Hello Takashi-san. I’m Asuma.”

He’s smoking. He shouldn’t be so surprised, Sarutobi is always smoking, but for some reason him doing it in a hospital seems wrong.

Taka shuffles back so he can lean against the wall, letting his head fall back with a thump.

“I know who you are.”

A war hero. He scarcely deserves to be in the presence of a man like him.

“The Hokage sent me. Said to get my team to help you with anything you need for a few days, and as soon as you get on your feet to escort you to his office.”

And yet, he was.

He’s not looking, but he imagines if he was, he would see a glint in the man’s eye. He’s still young, for all that he’s older than Taka.

“What did you even do?” He inquires of Taka, sounding far more gleeful than Taka has deemed appropriate from years of observing.

He thinks about the question. It could mean a number of things, and only one answer comes to mind. Only one answer that’s true, anyway.

“Enough,” he says, and it’s the truth.

The man goes silent for a long moment. Taka can’t help but look, unable to contain his curiosity. Sarutobi is putting his cigarette out, and he’s glaring at his feet. However angry his expression is, for once, Taka can put a name on the emotion it reminds him of. Sarutobi looks sad.

His voice is heavy when he speaks, “Haven’t we all?”

He’s reminded of every failure- personal, close calls, mission failures- his fault and otherwise, and he shakes his head.

“No. As soon as I get out of this hospital, there’ll be more I need to do before it’s enough. It’s enough for now. Is what I meant.”

Asuma gives him a look. It’s another odd look, another one that he doesn’t recognize, but it doesn’t seem negative.

He calls someone into the room.

It’s a child.

No, a genin. There’s his headband, it’s tied to his shirt? Coat? Whatever. He looks intelligent, assessing. Young. 

“Shikamaru, this is Takashi-san. He’s our mission for the next few days. You, Choji and Ino will watch over him in shifts. Try to talk to each other a little, you’ll probably get along.”  
He mutters the last bit, but Taka’s ears catch it anyway. It confuses him a bit. He doesn’t get along with anyone.

Then Sarutobi is gone.

There’s a long silence before the tired looking genin says anything.

“Do you play Shoji?”

“Shoji?”

Shikamaru sighs like it’s the end of the world and pulls out a board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! You'll get the last chapter edited, this chapter is already edited, and another edited chapter!! Hooray!! haha. This isn't dead, like I said this is finished and even if I end up just mass uploading the unedited chapters you'll get them all eventually.  
I want to write more Kakashi ;-;


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of his hospital stay.

The next time he wakes up he knows it’s going to be his last day in the hospital. He can’t stay any longer.

He just can’t.

That, and he felt fine now, so the only reason to keep him was a day of observation, and he wasn’t worth the cost- literally, this time. He didn’t have the money for it, and the coffers of the Hokage could only cover so much.

He sits up, and blinks in astonishment. 

He reassesses his opinion of his need for another day in the hospital, because for the life of him he would swear that that’s Kakashi sitting on the other bed, looking grumpy. 

He must be hallucinating, because that just. That just doesn’t make sense. He calmly reaches for the nurse button when the apparition shifts to face him, and speaks.

“Oh, you’re awake. Do you need something? I can get it.”

A hallucination cannot get anything, and he informs it as such.

The apparition frowns, “You’ve been hallucinating?”

“No, it is simply the most logical explanation as to how someone I... “ care about? Has the least amount of not caring for? “Know, randomly sitting on the bed in this room that has been empty for the span of my time here. After the injuries I have been recovering from, it is safer to irr on the side of caution. Thus, I was going to call the nurse.”

Kakashi laughs, and it convinces him instantly that he’s missing something, and that the apparition is actually Kakashi. Which... awkward.

He can tell, because no matter how many times he tries to imagine that laugh, and so many times he had tried, it never sounds so real as it does now. It’s ringing into the room, and it’s music to his ears.  
It eventually dies down, and the comfortable aura Kakashi is giving off is a good enough replacement that he doesn’t mind.

“What are you in here for anyway? My team tattled on me when I was already fine as a prank but the staff wouldn’t tell me what happened to you. Protocol can be so hard on us curious folk," Kakashi shrugs in a joking manner.

He collects his thoughts before he answers Kakashi, making sure that everything remains within the bounds of the classified mission, and remains within the bounds of his civilian identity. He says, “You shinobi aren’t the only ones who like to play around with chakra,” which is a complete lie. He’s never understood, but civilians don’t practice chakra control, and Kakashi knows that as well as he does, “I used some wind on a camp fire and it blew up in my face.”

He deliberately elongated the space between ‘camp’ and ‘fire’ so that he wouldn’t be lying. Lying outright is for nerds.

Kakashi raises his single eyebrow, but surprisingly not in judgement.

“You alright?”

He nods, about to tell Kakashi about his medical status, but Kakashi doesn’t let him, “No, are you okay?” he repeats.

He doesn’t understand, and he tells the shinobi so.

Kakashi closes his one eye, and seems to deflate. It’s hard to describe, he looked harder but also… more relaxed. Like he had just left a dinner party full of people who could kill him if he said a word wrong.

He’s not sure how it makes him feel.

Kakashi looks sad.

“I’ll talk to the Hokage about it, Takashi-kun. You should understand that question, especially doing what you are.”

He stiffens, the words replaying over in his head.

'Takashi-kun.'

Had he disappointed Kakashi, somehow? Why? What had he done that put this distance between them?

A little voice in the back of his head that was mostly used to analyze different angles of criminal motivation tried to whisper different reasons for the insult, but he smothers them.

He had done something wrong, he always had.

It didn’t matter that originally Kakashi and he had done removed honorifics insultingly, because he thought that had changed.

He jerks his head away from Kakashi to stare at the wall, aware he’s been staring for too long. 

He doesn’t want to see him anyway. He doesn’t want to see the deep well of grief that’s all he can see in Kakashi’s right eye anymore.

He doesn’t want to be part of the reason it deepens.

He hears Kakashi stand, hears the shuffling of his feet as he comes to stand next to him. He sits on the bed, and Taka wishes he hadn’t told Team Asuma to go yesterday. He had, though, so he was stuck in this room with Kakashi looking him in the eye, trying to tell him how much of a failure he was

“How did you get like this?” He’s asked, sorrowfully, “How did I never realize it was this bad?” 

Every word is like a stab to his chest. It hurts more than he has in years, and before he realizes it, he’s taking in a deep breath. Almost like the ones he hears from people trying not to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi says, and disappears.

He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t have it in him. 

He gets up, he changes, and he checks out of the hospital.

He goes home.

It feels empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Taka IS overreacting. That is actually the point that Kakashi is making- Taka is so unaware of his own feelings and mental health that he could be drowning and would just keep going. Kakashi is actually being extremely nice here, Taka is just not used to sensitive conversations, so he doesn't recognize that the shift in language Kakashi uses is Kakashi trying to be more serious and less banter-y.   
You should be able to figure that out from the text, but I can't know for sure so I wanted to explain just in case it was even more confusing than I thought :).


	8. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some rather necessary filler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does time pass so fast? Sorry, but I did warn you guys I would forget, haha. Also I got stuck toward the end, so...

Going to work the next day is harder than usual. Waking up takes so much effort. He’s not sure how he’s going to keep going like this. 

He has to wait a long time to have his meeting with the Hokage. As he waits, his mind wanders. Why does the Hokage feel the need to personally meet with nearly all of the shinobi? How often did the other shinobi see him? How often did Kakashi see him? He could never tell what Kakashi was thinking. Had he done something to make Kakashi dislike him? Well, more than usual? Had he revealed too much to Kakashi and the man had decided he wasn’t worth the trouble? What was it? What?

“Enter, Taka,” Taka’s thoughts are interrupted by the Hokage calling him into his office.

He enters, and stands at attention. He stares forward and awaits his orders.

“Taka. It has been brought to my attention that some of your personal behaviors give off a self-destructive impression. It has been recommended that you make an appointment with one of the therapists we employ.”

Alright, which fucker snitched. They snitched to the fucking Hokage, the literal highest authority in the land, what a little shit. He takes a deep breath. The Hokage can’t force him to go to therapy on second-hand accounts. He can talk his way out of this.

“Sir, recent events have been unorthodox. I assure you, any concerning behaviors have simply been in response to the recent chaos, and will be rectified as soon as they come to my attention. A therapist would only waste valuable time I could be spending preparing for the field.”

The Hokage doesn’t respond immediately. He’s sizing Taka up. Looking for anger, or sadness. Anything that might give away his lies.

He doesn’t find anything.

He sighs, “As you wish,” He sweeps some paperwork off his desk, then continues, “However, in light of your injuries your team will be taken off of active duty,” He looks Taka in the eye with icy authority, “For at least two weeks.”

He grits his teeth in frustration, but there’s nothing he can do about that. He bows, and leaves. He doesn’t stomp out. He doesn’t.

As he leaves, his mind wanders to Neko who had been so nervous and vulnerable that first day He hadn’t seen him since that day. Maybe it had been him. He had seemed rather shaken up about almost seeing him die. He mulls it over for a few seconds more, than dismisses it. Sure, Neko didn’t want another comrade to die, but that’s all it had been. They weren’t that close so it couldn’t exactly be anything else. He wouldn’t have bothered going to the Hokage over that.

He confirms that the next time he sees Neko. Some people can’t conceal their emotions even behind a mask, and Neko was one of them. If he had done it, he would have given it away immediately with guilty body language.

He sizes Neko up for a moment. The man had saved his life, at great risk to his own. He watches the man for a moment longer, than gives the man a nod of respect.

Neko returns it, and they return to their normal demeanor. 

Chou and Saru both immediately assault them with questions.

“What happened after we left?”

“How did you even get in a position to get hurt so badly?”

“Why did the explosion happen in the first place?”

He waves them both off, unwilling to talk more about it right now. When they try to press the issue, he puts on his best glare. The one that’s visible even when he’s wearing a mask.

“It happened. It’s over. We need to focus on training now. I’ll answer your questions later, if we’re up to it.”

They quiet down reluctantly, and it allows him to set up their training scenario.

Working out feels good. His mind clears, he doesn’t have to think, just be in tandem with his teammates. 

They work for hours, and he does end up answering their questions in the end. He walks off of the training ground genuinely tempted to go train some more on his end, regardless of the Doctor’s orders about not pushing himself. He’s heading to his apartment to get some water when a flash of silver hair catches his eye. His head whips around, and there he is. Kakashi is right there. On instinct, he takes a step closer. He reaches a hand out to call out to him. 

Kakashi’s face flashes in his mind. The expression he had had the last time they talked. The way he had left.

His throat closes up.

It’s silly.

He turns on his heel and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright Imma be honest, promise of getting the whole thing regardless still stands, but the next 10~ ish chapters (Don't have my notes with me) are going to take me a lot longer to edit (Which is why this one took so long.) I have to rewrite... most of the rest of the chapters in the series if you want any quality to them. This means you'll be getting a couple more chapters as well though.   
I wonder what you guys are thinking about for the ending. I know what I have in mind, but it would be nice to know if there's anything specific I should include?


	9. This Guy Needs A Nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my day off, and I feel bad for making you guys wait so long so here is the next chapter! I'll try and do the next one tomorrow but I really, really don't like what I have in the original so it might take me a bit longer than that.

Throwing himself into training is easy. There isn’t much else for him to do. He was chosen to be a judge for the Chuunin exams (which he still… doesn’t understand, but he’ll follow orders and do it. Gives him a chance to rip into that Sasuke kid, hehehe). But that’s not for a few weeks yet. So with no one around to tell him not to, he spends his mornings doing solo training. Chakra control, new jutsu’s, refining old jutsu’s. There’s a ton there for him to work on, so much to improve. After his solo training, he has group training sessions. They work on a lot of the same things, but also do teamwork and leadership training. Then he sleeps for a few hours and does it all again.

He thinks about Kakashi from time to time.

More accurately, Kakashi thinks about him. He keeps trying to talk to him.

“Takashi-”

“Hey, I-”

“This is-”

He pretends he doesn’t hear him, turning a quick corner or walking faster whenever he sees him.

He’s not ready. 

He doesn’t want to never talk to Kakashi again, but he doesn’t want to see that look either. He doesn’t want Kakashi to hate him.

He’s not sure why, but it’s the truth.

It’s that thought that eventually forces him into confronting Kakashi. 

Because he is a dramatic ass motherfucker, he figures out where Kakashi is going to be and heads him off. 

He leans against the wall of the alley, obscured by the shadows. He waits until Kakashi walks by (The man had noticed him, just not that it was him) to step out.

“Hey. Just curious, but is your hair ever going to learn what the laws of gravity mean?”

He pauses, and for a long, horrible moment, Taka thinks that Kakashi is going to walk away just like he’s been doing to Kakashi. 

“... Takashi, you can walk on water.”

“Yeah, so can you. Doesn’t change the fact that you don’t even use hair product.”

“It’s genetic.”

“Show me the pictures and I’ll believe it.”

Kakashi chuckles. He looks away for a moment. 

“Sorry.” He looks back. “I wasn’t thinking straight and said some unnecessary things.”

Taka has no clue what the hell to say to that, so he simply nods, accepting the apology for what it is- an olive branch.

“Do you forgive me?” Kakashi’s one-eyed gaze is piercing. He always manages to get right to the heart of the matter.

Taka shakes his head to dismiss the question. It’s ridiculous after all.

“I forgave you a long time ago dipshit.”

“Dipshit?”

“You deserved that one.”

“... You’re right.”

“... Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“That!”

…  
... 

The Chuunin exams sneak up on him. Between training with his team and going for drinks with Kakashi, time had flown by in a way that he’d never experienced before.

He’s worried. That doesn’t happen often, but he doesn’t like this.

To be clear, he’s worried about Sasuke. Having met the boy quite a few times now, he might not say he knows him, but he does have a rather clear picture of his personality.

He could say with confidence that he knew Sasuke just about as well as he had known Itachi. And Sasuke… 

He wasn’t anything like Itachi. 

Didn’t look anything like him.

After all, Sasuke didn’t look like he cared about anything at all.

The Chuunin exams make him re-examine that opinion, but not for long.

Orochimaru was after Sasuke. Sasuke would go. That was the opportunity that the boy had been waiting so long for after all. The chance to train under one of the best ninja in the world, in order to beat Itachi. 

And so he worried about Sasuke, because he knew that it would hurt Kakashi. Kakashi hadn’t spent all that time training him because he thought Sasuke was a lost cause.

But he was.

That all being said, he honestly hadn’t expected the invasion. 

As the Hokage fought for their entire village, he and the other Ninja evacuated people from the area. As the last few trickle out, he turns to give the Hokage one last salute. He may be a bastard of an old geezer, but he was a bastard of an old geezer that was worth his respect. 

He turns to leave. 

An impact hits his hide, faster than he could have possibly noticed coming. He looks down.

That’s a lot of blood.

Shrapnel, a piece of roofing tile was buried in his side. 

It occurs to him for a split second that perhaps he was just extremely unlucky. Then he crumples to the ground.

He looks up, looking for help, but there’s no one around. They’re all either watching the fight or running away. 

He croaks out a word, he’s not sure what. Then everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This continues to not be that last hospital visit.


	10. Yeah, this still isn't the last hospital visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !Panic Attack!  
Taka's current hospital visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a panic attack in this chapter! If I don't represent it well, I'm sorry, I'd appreciate feedback in how to make it better.  
I also went a little crazy with the italics in this chapter haha...

He wakes up in pain. He shoots up, only stopped from hopping to his feet by a pair of hands that push him back down on the bed. He recognizes them. Kakashi’s hands. Why is he here? 

His eyes dart around the room, but it just looks unfamiliar. Where is he? He tries to glance at Kakashi to help gauge the situation but he can’t seem to focus on him. Things start going blurry. His side explodes back into pain- he’d forgotten, somehow. Kakashi’s hands push him firmly on his back, and that’s when he realizes he can’t breath.  
He chokes as he tries pulling air in, and he tries again. Kakashi’s keeping him down, so there must be a threat. _He can't breath._ Where is it? He can't see. He can't focus. There's a low hum in his ears. They slowly make sense of themselves, and he finally realizes it's Kakashi whispering to him. Instructions, of course. He can just let Kakashi take the lead. His vision is starting to go black, Kakashi will know what to do.

"-th, in…" Kakashi takes a deep breath in, "You're alright. Then out…" He lets his breath out slowly, "Breath, Takashi, in for four seconds…"

Taka finds himself breathing again. Copying Kakashi, following along somehow clears his lungs of the pressure that was keeping him from drawing oxygen in before. His vision slowly clears, and soon he relaxes back down into the bed, suddenly extremely tired. He recognizes the room now- they're in the hospital (it's amazing he can't recognize it at a glance at this point…). He remembers now, how the piece of roofing stabbed into his side, how he went down.

He remembers how alone he was, as his vision faded into black. Kakashi hovers for a small bit after he calmed down, only letting go and leaning back when Taka's eyes finally meet his.

He looks tired. 

He looks more tired then Taka feels, which is saying something, given that now that he can breath, he can barely keep his eyes open. He glances around, still a little paranoid. He tries to sit up, and Kakashi stops him.

“It’s alright. It’s alright. I’ve got you, you can sleep. Let me take care of it.”

So he does.

~~~  
He wakes up again feeling a lot better. His side still aches, but the air comes into his lungs smoothly. Now that he can look around properly, he recognizes the distinct look of the Hospital. He’s not exactly sure… what happened, before. The only thing he can think of is that his brain must not have registered being off the battlefield right away. Well, he’s fine now so it doesn’t really matter what happened. He cracks his eyes open, expecting to be alone at this point. He’s probably slept for hours, and Kakashi is a busy man. It’s not like he has any other people that are close to him- his ANBU team doesn’t count. He looks toward the door, and a slumped figure catches his eye.

Kakashi. He is still here.

He’s not sure what to think about that.

He feels weird, seeing him there. He’s dozing, head bent down, arms crossed. 

Taka can hear him breathing now that he knows he’s there. He could wake up at any moment, but for some reason Taka can’t stop staring. 

A loud knocking jolts him out of his reverie, waking Kakashi as well. Kakashi is at the door in an instint, hissing at the visitor to be quiet- he’s about to send the visitor away when Taka finally finds his voice.

“Ka- “ He clears his throat, “Kakashi, I’m awake, let them in.”

Kakashi looks back at him. His gaze is oddly soft, his voice low, “Are you sure? You’re still recovering.”

The visitor doesn’t wait for his answer, stepping past Kakashi and cutting him off, “If he’s awake, he can work. We need everyone right now. Missions are suspended, we have internal issues that need to be taken care of. Issues that _you_-” Shikamaru- because it was Shikamaru- gives Kakashi a pointed look, “Should have been working on already. Takashi-san is awake so we need both of you _now_.”

Taka starts to get up. He agrees with Shikamaru. The Hokage was just killed._ Again_. Things must be going nuts down there. Kakashi sends him a glare and he shrinks back into the sheets.

Y’know, he is a little tired, maybe he’ll just let them work things out? Things will be fine that way, right? Yeah. That’s fine.

Kakashi turns on Shikamaru, “Three. Three critical injuries in _months_. He needs time to recover. He wasn’t even fully recovered from the last ones.”

Shikamaru just looks at Kakashi, as bored and apathetic as ever,” I’m not asking him to lift weights, or start fights. In fact, _I’m_ not asking him to do anything. Orders come from the council. We’re assigning his squad to the census. It’s been put off too long, and it’s information we need if we’re going to fight back against Orochimaru. Kakashi-sensei. You _know_ this.”

Kakashi does not look happy about this. Staying out of this is probably the best decision he’s made yet.

Kakashi’s voice goes low- not threatening, maybe just underestimating how good Taka’s hearing is, “Do you really think he can keep doing this? We keep throwing him back out there time after time it’s going to break him. He doesn’t have people to pick up the pieces. He doesn’t listen to me.”

Shikamaru sighs. He speaks in the same low tone, glancing at Taka before he speaks, “I know. But Kakashi-sensei you aren’t his husband. And we need people right now. If he wants to work there’s nothing me or you can do. He’s doing paperwork, going house to house. Asuma-sensei already said he’d take responsibility if things go wrong.”

What does that mean?

Before he can ask, a nurse passes by and sees the two nin huddled around the door. The nurse soon ascertains that Taka is awake, and gets rather angry at them for not informing the staff. He shoos them off, telling them to come back the next day. As he watches them go, something feels hollowed out in his chest.

Everything feels empty inside.

He can’t imagine why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about how long this took. This chapter was absolute shite and I had to rewrite the whole thing and I just got hit with a bunch of shit, not really an excuse but it just took me a while to get back around to it. Hope it's enjoyable.  
I also need to change the tags because there are now two panic attacks, I'll get around to it before I put the chapter with the other one in.  
Thank you guys for reading, I really appreciate it ^^.


	11. Be Careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter I Like To Call The Census Arc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just rewrote this whole ass chapter and it is almost larger than the one I wrote before that had four more scenes in it lmao.   
So I figure I should warn you all that it's not quite a panic attack but there is a pretty explicit description of intense pain(at least as explicit as I can write) toward the end of the chapter.

They let him out of the hospital. They don’t really have much choice in the matter, with pressure from the top coming down on all of them. He, and the people of Konoha feel the full ramifications of the system they have set up- one with no back-up’s, the chain of command unclear. Orders come from everywhere at once, and who follows what is entirely based on that persons judgement. Taka, as ANBU, escaped the worst of it. The council assigned ANBU exclusively, though they had the authority to give orders in general for secrecy.

His team was waiting for him as soon as he got there. He must look pathetic. They stuck him in a wheelchair as a compromise, because even he can recognize that he’s not fully recovered. He wheels in, kicking the door in his frustration. He never realized how irritating it was that doors swung on their own until he tried to wheel through them.

He finally wins his fight with the door, only to catch his team all in rather awkward positions. Neko was tripping over himself, it sort of looked like he was trying to help, but got tangled up in his chair legs and just. Fell over.

Saru was staring blankly at a piece of paper, picking it up, turning it over, staring through it. She looked way gone.

Chou had jolted up, and was flipping his head around, trying to figure out what was going on. Based on the droll, he had likely fallen asleep.

Taka wheels in, raising an eyebrow at their behavior.

Neko and Chou have the decency to be embarrassed, while Saru hasn’t even looked up.

Neko helps him up to the table, where he exchanges greeting with Chou and Saru.

“So, like it or not, you’ve kinda got the upper hand on us here Taka. They gave us this paperwork to start with and we haven’t even gotten the half of it,” Saru spreads her hands out to encompass the mass of paperwork that’s scattered all over the table. “Help.”

He starts reaching for pieces of paper, glancing at them to ascertain their contents. Most of them seem to be rough census numbers, birth certificates, hospital records, death certificates, that sort of thing.

“I nearly had it! I mean, I’m certain if you organize by date it’ll do… something! Something helpful.” Neko crosses his arms and pouts. He has no idea what he’s doing.

Taka turns away and thinks for a moment as they continue to argue.

“Listen, this is a monumental task. The idea of it will fry our brains out. That’s why I just went to sleep,” Chou admits.

“I should’ve listened when my Mom told me that all that training would turn me into a musclehead,” Saru crosses her arms and sighs.

“That’s sexist.”

“That’s mansplaining.”

“That’s annoying.”

Their inane argument nearly fries Taka’s brain. He spends just a small moment wanting to wack the three of them over the head, and just barely refrains.

He clears his throat hard, ignoring it when they continue to blabber like idiots, “One of you go get some paper and pens, and a lot of them. I have a plan.”

It’s simple, tedious work. He doesn’t really blame them for making up dumb excuses to keep from having to start on it, even if it made them look like they couldn’t have possibly passed pre-school. 

“First, since you assholes made a mess, we have to organize all of these papers by type. Then, we have to write down every name on the birth certificates given to us. Which we then have to cross check with the death certificates._ Then_ we have to verify identity with the other personal records they provided us with. After we’re done with that, we make two more lists. One of every living person in Konoha, and a second of every living person in Konoha with any discrepancy in their records. Any. Then we go check. Every. Single. Person.”

The horror that they had been trying to avoid slowly dawns on them as they realize that they have four people to interview every single person in Konoha. 

“What we’ll do, to streamline the process, is this: One person will check birth certificates, creating the first list, and then when that person fills out a full sheet, they’ll pass it off to the second person to cross check with birth certificates, creating the second list. They’ll pass a sheet of the second list off to the third person, who’ll check for discrepancies. That’ll create the third list, which will go to the fourth person, who will conduct interviews. Now, let’s get started. Talking about it will just make it take longer.”

They didn’t argue.

They worked in shifts, each person getting a chance at each station, except Taka, who couldn’t conduct interviews yet. 

It was weeks of work, and it only got more complicated as time went on. Deaths, murders, and traveling all made it difficult to keep track of who they needed to be keeping track of.  
However, they were making significant headway. Besides the constant stream of new births and deaths, they had their first and second lists completely made, and were around a third of the way through   
the third list (Most interviews consisting of “Who lives here?”, “Any recent births/deaths?” and “Are you aware of/what caused this discrepancy?”)

It was looking like it would only be another month or so at most, and Taka was near healed, so he would soon be able to help with interviews.

Then Tsunade was named Hokage.

Orders came from the Hokage to start again. Standards doubled, and so did the stacks of paperwork. 

On the plus side, he was finally well enough to take the convenience store runs by himself. Fresh air was a miracle after weeks cooped up inside being wheeled around. 

It’s there, rubbing his eyes to try and remove the hazy image of paperwork he can still see behind his eyes that he sees her. He’s purchasing hot food for dinner, so they don’t have to eat any of the ramen he’s also picking up for at least one more day. He looks up from a hot dog, debating about whether or not he wants to risk the shitty meat he knows they stuffed into it and a woman catches his eye. Cropped black hair, a stern face, walking with a purpose. She walks past the convenience store. Alarm bells ring in his head, but he can’t place her. She’s familiar, but it just doesn’t come to him.

And then she’s gone.

Months later, the four of them are collapsed in chairs, unable to even celebrate with how intense their relief is- finally finished. Every citizen cleared. The only black mark is the only stack of papers still on the table.

The missing persons stack. 

37 people.

It was, in fact, significantly smaller than when they had first started their investigation. It had been over 100 when they started. Some mistakes, some murders, some runaways, they’d managed to whittle down more than half of it. But these 37 people completely alluded them. 

While his team trudges off, he flips through the stack one more time, studying their faces. People he failed. People they all failed. Black cropped hair flashes past, and catches his attention almost too late. 

He flips back to the file and stares at the photo. He’d seen her. Where had he seen her?

It hits him all at once.

He quickly reads through her file, and pieces slowly form into a puzzle in his head. It couldn’t be. _“It couldn’t be.”_ He has to say it out loud, because it can’t be true. 

And then he runs.

….

Running is- nearly pointless. He had seen her at the convenience store months ago, and the likelihood of her being nearby at that exact moment was lower than the likelihood of Kakashi dying his hair black. But adrenaline called for the panic to show. In his face, in his voice, in the pounding of his feet. The small picture from her file clutched, crumpled, torn in his fist. One person, nothing, two, three, ten, twenty. All nothing. He nearly gave up. No, that’s wrong.

He did give up. 

A more accurate statement would be that, in his panic, he didn’t consider the consequences of his actions, and was loath to do so in his disappointment as the adrenaline wore off. 

He goes for a walk. The fresh air helps him calm down.

He wanders up the mountainside, perhaps for the view, perhaps just because of where his feet took him. 

In his empty haze, he considers.

He hadn’t seen Kakashi in quite a while. 

It was fine. He’d just started expecting him to be around. Sort of like a fly. Hard to get rid of.

He supposed Kakashi was actually busier than he was, with Naruto and all.

He emerges into a clearing facing the cliff. It’s a beautiful view, and all Taka really wants to do it rest. 

He sits down at the edge of the cliff, content to watch the sky for a while.

That was his third mistake. 

\----

She comes up behind him. It’s not that he doesn’t sense her, he does. He senses civilian, and so he dismisses any thought of danger.

Mistake number four. 

She stands near his shoulder.

He turns to greet her.

As he turns, she grabs his collar. She leans into his hear.

“Idiot Census-kun. If you’d just written me off as a missing case, you might have lived. Long live the Land of Fire.”

And then she drops him off the side of the cliff.

\---

It’s starting to seem to Taka, that the easiest way to experience new emotions in near-death experiences. He’s never felt so afraid before in his life, especially not of heights. Tears are pried from his eyes without consent, and he honestly can’t tell if it’s the hard, biting wind, or the horrible painful fear clawing through his chest. 

He splays every part of his body out in a futile attempt to slow his fall. He needs to think. He can’t think. 

His chakra roils through him and it burns.

Seconds before impacts, he manages just a small, single thought.

The chakra that was burning him from the inside explodes out as he directs it.

And he hits the ground with a sickening

**Crack.**

\----

He’s not dead. 

That’s a plus.

That is, in fact, a very large plus that he would appreciate if it would continue to be that way and not, in fact, stop being that way. 

An immense shockwave of pain nearly makes him change his mind. 

He clenches his teeth, and pushes himself up by his elbows. It’s excruciating. He can’t even see, can’t hold in the screams. There must not be anyone around for miles, because he’s never screamed so   
loud before, but there’s no one there, no one to help, no one to tell- he has to tell, he has to move, has to tell Tsunade. 

He pushes himself up further with the intent to get a leg under him, so he can crawl or limp to help and his leg doesn’t move. 

He stares at it, and tries again.

He can’t- He can’t feel his leg. 

He can’t feel his legs. 

Another excruciating wave of pain send him back flat on the ground, screaming.

He can’t even breath. It hurts. It burns. His chakra is- is completely used up- he’s weak and vulnerable and ohgodithurtsithurtshecan’tbreathhelphelphecantmove-

It hurts for what feels like hours before he finally blacks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it makes you feel any better, I call the next chapter the Comfort chapter.   
I won't make promises, because my moods literally fluctuate with the wind, but I intend to write it as soon as I'm done uploading this so I'm hoping you'll get it soon. Best case scenario tomorrow, likely scenario in the week, worst case in a month and 15 days. (lmfao)
> 
> I was in a very angry place in my life when I wrote the original and I took it out on poor Taka.


	12. What? The Last Hospital Visit??? No Way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The One That Is The Last Hospital Visit to the Author's Current Knowledge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoever tells me Taka's birthday +- 10 days gets to make a request.  
Also I'll finish the next chapter and upload it by this time tomorrow if they get it within 5 days.

He wakes up several more times before he’s found. It’s all hazy now. All he remembers is that it was agonizing- he can’t remember what it felt like, or how he was found, or anything that happened in between. 

He wakes up in the hospital.

He stares at the ceiling, and he starts to cry. 

He just feels so good. The pain is almost gone. He’s not exactly comfortable, but he can think of something other than the pain. He’s so relieved. 

He nearly sobs, but he manages to just barely pull it together before he breaks fully apart.

He tentatively attempts to curl his toes. They press against something hard, and aches shoot up his leg. The relief nearly sends him into tears again. As it is, a few escape, trailing down into his ears.

It’s such a weird feeling that he starts to laugh.

Laughing hurts, laughing hurts a lot, he must have broken at least two ribs on impact, but he can’t stop. 

That’s what alerts the nurse to his awareness. He finds out later that Tsunade was immediately called into emergency surgery as soon as they found him, and that’s the only reason he regains use of both legs after the injuries he sustains, but for now he just laughs hysterically, grateful to every single person in the entire hospital that he’s still sitting here. 

The nurses do their thing, with IV’s and machines that spit out numbers and beep that he knows, vaguely, what they do but could never be bothered to figure out the specifics, and eventually he calms down. 

They try to ask him questions, but as the adrenaline bleeds out of his system he can’t keep his eyes open. He’s asleep before he even knows it. 

He slips in and out of consciousness. A nurse would tell him the time if he asked, but after days slipped by with him only waking once, he decided to wait until he could keep his eyes open for more than ten minutes.

That’s around a week later. They tell him it’s totally normal, his body needs sleep to recover from the injuries and what have you. 

It’s still disconcerting. 

He’s sitting up, picking at the horrible hospital food to try and figure out what might be edible and what is literal plastic when the Hokage comes to visit. 

She steps in, and shuts the door behind her, silent except for the click of the door meeting the frame. She stares at him with yet another look that he can’t place. It’s starting to frustrate him, more than anything else, not being able to read people. 

She steps to stand by his bed, looking down at him, “How are you feeling?”

She says it nearly cold, just level enough that it’s a trademark of bad news.

He salutes with his better arm, “Recovering, Hokage. Once we are able to move to a more discrete location I have information that must be disclosed to you directly.”

She looks at him for another long moment, and this look he recognizes- the Third Hokage had given it to him a lot. Authority, worry, acknowledgement, all wrapped up in one.

“Understood, Taka,” She says, and turns her head, “I have come to a decision regarding your career that I believe to be for your benefit. You might not thank me for it.”

He doesn’t say anything when she gives him the chance, so she continues, “I understand decisions made for the greater good by the Third Hokage, however, I personally will no longer allow the neglect of our Shinobi with that as an excuse.”

She pauses again, but this time he gets the feeling she’s not waiting for a response.

“After ten years as a member of ANBU, you are being relieved of that duty and are being reassigned as a Jonin Shinobi. Live, Takashi. I will call upon you when you’ve recovered.”

She waits for a response once more, and when he finds himself incapable of giving one, she simply leaves.

His world shatters. He feels like someone burned his house down. 

He can remember his Jonin duties, just barely. It had been eleven years since he was first made Jonin, but he had to keep a bit up to date for some of his duties. 

He couldn’t wear his mask or uniform again, he had to put a completely different one on. 

If he saw Chou, Saru, or Neko he had to pretend not to know them. He would be assigned a new team, go on different missions. He would have to teach at some point. 

He’s twenty now. He had been ten. When he was assigned to ANBU. When he had met Kakashi for the first time. What even was he wi-

His thoughts are interrupted by the door sliding open again, and there he is. Kakashi. 

To the untrained eye, he looks as bored as ever, but Taka can tell. There’s anxiety there. 

He steps into the room, gently closing the door behind him. 

Taka is still too shell shocked from Tsunade to say anything in greeting. He’s just relieved to see him. He relaxes. He’s- dare he say- happy to see Kakashi. 

Kakashi steps further into the room, sitting down in the chair that’s somehow always right by the bed. He sets a drink cup on the tray and clears his throat, “I, uh, I got you a drink- they don’t allow booze- and I thought caffeine might now be much better so it’s hot chocolate.”

He pauses, “Now that it occurs to me, sugar might not be much better than caffeine.”

Taka picks up the drink curiously, “Hot Chocolate? Is it just melted chocolate?”

Kakashi looks momentarily stunned, shaking his head quickly, “No. Well, yes, but what they do- at least for a proper cup of Hot Chocolate- is they add melted chocolate to milk, along with a few other ingredients. Try it, you’ll see. It should be at a decent temperature now.”

So Taka tries it. 

It’s fucking amazing.

He practically chugs the whole thing, to Kakashi’s delighted laughter. 

“Now that you’ve done this to me, you have to bring me one every day or I will find you.”

“Promise?”

That _almost_ draws a chuckle out of Taka. 

Kakashi pauses, almost awkwardly. He speaks softly, “Tsunade just talked to you, didn’t she?”

Ah, so he’d been told then.

“Yes. She pulled me off ANBU…” Taka swallows, “I’m not sure what to do with myself.”

“Well I’ve been Jonin for quite a while. I can help you.”

Taka shakes his head, “It’s not that. Okay, obviously it’s a little that, but it’s more- Ten years. Ten years that I’m no longer allowed to even talk about. It’s a little… I’m not sure, it just feels weird.”

“Wait.” Kakashi’s voice is strained, his visible eye wide, “You were ANBU when we met?”

Taka tilts his head, genuinely surprised. Kakashi had known he was ANBU for quite a while- He had been easily recognized behind the mask, and they had actually been ANBU at the same time. It was hard to remember exactly how long, he believed it was brief. He’d though Kakashi already knew that.

“Yes. In fact, I’d just come out of my promotional meeting when I ran into you.”

“... I blame ANBU for your addiction to hospital stays.”

“We’ll have to see how I fare outside… of… it…” He trails off again, having a sudden realization.

“I don’t even know who I am outside of ANBU. I don’t really- I don’t have anything else-” The crushing feeling of loss starts to overwhelm him again.

The slide of fingers down his arm snap him out of it. Kakashi’s fingers trail down his arm, then link with his own fingers.

He looks deadly serious.

Taka holds his breath.

“You have me, Takashi. No matter what. You have me.”

He feels warm. He feels inclined, somehow, to lift one corner of his mouth up into something of a smile.

“Alright ‘Kashi. I believe you.” He can stay up longer now, but his body is still insistent on sleep, and it’s making itself known now as his eyelids get heavier.

Kakashi smiles, holding his hand tighter, “Get some rest. I’ll be here.”

And so he does.

It should be said, that while Taka has no way of knowing this, Kakashi pulls the blanket higher on Taka, and then proceeds to sit by his side all night.

\-----

Waking up to see Kakashi next to him is nice. Feels safe. He thinks about analyzing that feeling, but decides against it. 

Not important. 

Kakashi sleeps like glass balanced on the edge of a table though, so as soon as Taka twitches Kakashi is blinking himself awake and smiling at him. 

And there Taka goes, feeling warm and safe again. 

Better not to think about it too hard. 

“Dude, that has to be uncomfortable as hell,” Kakashi had slept upright in the chair next the bed, head hanging down. “Your poor neck.”

Kakashi stretches out, a hand pushed to his neck to keep it from cramping, “Doesn’t matter. I’m more worried about you. How are you feeling?”

Taka shrugs with his good shoulder, “Given that I broke nearly everything, pretty well. I still get tired really easily, but the injuries are healing well because of that.”

“Anything I can do for you?”

“Pretend to be my brother?” Taka proposed hopefully.

He only receives an eyebrow in response. Taka sighs, and lets it drop. The eyebrow raises higher.

“Ugh, fine! I need to learn to do that. They aren’t going to let me discharge this time without supervision. They have to be family or next of kin or that sort of thing, and I don’t really have that sort of thing. You’re the closest thing I’ve got, but they don’t count you in the rules since there’s no paperwork.”

He sees the question on Kakashi’s face, and beats him to it, “It’s been thirteen years since I spoke to my Dad. Longer for my Mother. I don’t even know if he still- I mean, I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“What happened?”

Taka shakes his head, “Doesn’t matter. I can barely remember it myself.”

“I’ll look into it, see what I can do.”

“Thanks ‘Kashi.”

It’s so easy to fall into a haze again, thinking about those things. Hot cobblestones in alleys and angry words and being surrounded by shinobi. He blocks it out, trying to focus on the here and now. He  
doesn’t want to think about that.

They sit in each others comfortable presence for a while, just enjoying the silence. 

“I’ll go get you that drink you wanted. Be back in a bit.”

And he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry there's no BAMF Taka here, that's why I kinda avoided the question, lmao. There is BAMF Taka coming, but he sorta broke 3 of his four limbs and it just wasn't happening here. Sorry, haha.  
On a note that I like better, Kakashi is adorable here. It's in fact more adorable in the original, but I couldn't fit that scene in and have it make sense, so I did something similar, and I still think it's cute af.
> 
> p.s. I only used italics once this chapter?? how??????


	13. The One Where I Put Jokes In Emotional Scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taka gets out of the hospital, and reunites with someone he hasn't seen in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yosh!! New Chapter!! Taka has found himself more prone to panicking recently.... anyway, there are mentions of child neglect and human trafficking in this chapter so be careful!

He’s going to kill Kakashi. If he wasn’t stuck in this wheelchair he would have already done it. He was going to fucking stab him. At least once. If only to get back at him for some of the pain he’s in right now. If they go down another cobblestone path he will skin the man alive and pour salt on him.

“If you take us down that cobblestone path Kakashi, I swear to the fucking Hokage I will skin you alive and pour salt on your wounds.” 

Kakashi chuckles, veering away from the street he had been angling for, and continuing down the dirt road, “Me? Never.”

“I am, again, voicing my protest to this course of action.”

The streets are slowly turning familiar- a faded familiar, marked with the changes that 13 years would bring to any place, but still familiar. He’d walked them too many times to forget.

“I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I’m not one of your students.”

“So?”

Taka realizes, calmly, that he’s going to fucking kill Kakashi.

They turn down a street- a regrettably cobblestone street (Kakashi murmurs an apology)- and an unfamiliar feeling claws at Taka’s throat. It’s hard to breath. He doesn’t want to do this. He  _ really really  _ doesn’t want to do this. He feels weakness clawing in his chest. He finds words at the tip of his tongue “ _ I’ll stay at the hospital until I’m better, let’s just turn around Kakashi.”  _ He swallows, hard. No. That would be admitting to the hole opening up in his chest- something he would rather not acknowledge. 

And there’s his house. 

He vaguely remembers the feelings of his younger self. They seem so distant now, though he understands them better than he did a few months ago- the rage. The pain. 

The hatred. 

He’d hated the streets of Konoha. They still made him uncomfortable, especially these ones, so close to where he used to live but he used to  _ hate  _ them.

“Takashi?” He must have spaced off, or let a stray thought pass over his face, because Kakashi is looking at him with genuine concern, instead of the teasing that had made this whole trip infuriating. He tries to wave his hand dismissively, but finds himself having to peel his fingers from the arm rest. His hand was nearly numb from how hard he’d been gripping it.

“I’m fine,” He grits out, unwilling to explain even a single part of the whole bloody mess.

“I can knock if that would help?”

Kakashi has no idea what he’s doing, does he. Why would knocking for him help? He would laugh if he wasn’t about to throw up.

“No,” He says, already reaching up to knock, “I’ve got it.”

He knocks. 

Nervous energy overcomes him. He’s used to a similar feeling- everyone gets it on missions, when things get tense- he knows there’s a name for this, he’s heard it, but he can’t recall it- maybe starts with an ‘A’? Or an ‘O’? 

He hears clatter, and footsteps inside and his heart starts skipping beats. That’s not good. Maybe they should go back to the hospital and check that out, maybe just leave right now and not come back, a heart skipping a beat can’t be a goo- ...d sign. 

The door opens. 

The first thing that strikes him is how old he looks. Then how small his Dad looks. He’d always been so big and intimidating before.

His throat is closing up. He just stares. 

“W-what is this about?” His Dad’s voice, too. It sounds older, and smaller. Sadder. 

He doesn’t recognize him- it’s not to late to turn back-

“Takashi,” Kakashi’s voice, murmuring, he’s leaned down close to Taka’s ear, “It’ll be alright. I’m right here. Anything goes wrong and I’ll take care of it.”

And then his warmth is gone, but so is the tightness of his throat- he clears it, for good measure.

“D-Dad?” He curses the stutter in his voice, quickly getting a hold of himself, “It’s me- it’s Takashi”

How must he look right now, in a wheelchair, 13 years older, a strange man with him, stuttering- he must look like some scammer- and the shock on his Dad’s face lingers for long enough that he flinches, expecting to be accused of that- of being a fake. 

But then- he can see it, the moment his Dad recognizes him. His face lights up- then crumples, “My boy- Takashi,” Then arms are thrown around him, “Oh my boy.”

His father keeps murmuring into Taka’s shoulder, holding him tight. Taka puts his arms lightly around his Dad. This- this isn’t the worst way this could have gone, but it’s  _ really awkward.  _ And also starting to hurt. A lot.

He glances up at Kakashi for help. 

Kakashi clears his throat, “Uh, Shi-san, I really hate to break up this touching reunion, but Takashi isn’t recovered yet, so uh-”

His Dad lets go of him like a hot potato, “I’m so sorry! Are you alright? What happened? Why are you-” His Dad cuts himself off, but Taka can fill in the blanks. ‘Why are you here?’

“I’m alright. The Hokage herself helped-” And he can tell that was the wrong thing to say, because his Father’s face turns white- “I mean, I’m just in a recovery stage now, it could have been a lot worse, I fell off a cliff after all-” Ah shit, this isn’t going well, “K-Kakashi, help.”

“He’s alright, Shi-san, however the incident was severe, which caused the hospital to mandate his recovery be monitored by his next of kin- you.” Kakashi smiles, that fake one-eyed smile of his. 

“I- I see. Well come inside, please, I’ll get you some drinks while I get Takashi’s room ready.” His Dad steps back, inviting them in. 

Kakashi steps back, and Taka realizes what’s about to happen in a flash, “Kakashi don’t you dare-” 

“Sorry Shi-San, I really must be going. Have a good evening, and see you later Takashi.”

And then he disappears.

“Kakashi get back here!” When he fails to appear out of thin air again, Taka curses under his breath, then clamps a hand over his mouth, “S-sorry.”

His Dad merely looks amused, coming out of the house to help get the wheelchair up the step, “You two seem close?”

The probing note in his voice makes Taka turn red, “It’s not- I mean there’s not- We just hang out, we’re not quite… friends or… anything else.”

His Dad nods knowingly in a way that really makes him want to correct what he knows his Dad is misunderstanding, but he lets it go for now.

“Are you… Sure you’re okay with this? I… left. You. I left you with-” His voice cracks, “With nobody.”

Dad shakes his head, “That’s not true. I was supposed to protect you, and I failed. And then I was so shaken up that I pushed you away. I should be asking you that question. Are you alright being around me? I can make myself scarce except when you need help-”

To sidetrack for a moment, let us talk about Taka’s mother. Taka’s mother was an intelligent young woman, with long black hair of a shade that matched Taka’s own muss. She and Taka used to go on long walks in the city, since he could walk, up until he was around six. It was extremely hot that day in Konoha, and it was also an extremely lucky day- which was rather lucky for Taka, ironically. That day he had trailed after his mother from place to place like he usually did, waiting outside for her to finish whatever it was she was doing inside, and he was getting rather tired of it. For the first time in a while, he put up a bit of a fuss- he really only wanted something to drink, he had stopped sweating a while ago and he was so hot it  _ hurt _ . His Mother had argued with him, then had gotten an idea into her head. He rather didn’t like the look she had suddenly gotten in her eyes- it scared him. 

She dragged him all the way across town again, and stood him outside a scary building that looked like it was about to fall down any minute. 

Now, by the good luck of the day, the air conditioner in his Father’s workplace had failed at just the right moment, and his Father had taken just the right route, that it was under five minutes after Taka’s mother had left him that his Father found himself with an armful of his child- who had thrown himself at his Father the moment he saw him. 

Less than three minutes later, Taka’s Mother came out again, that same malicious glint in her eyes. 

She came to her senses upon seeing his Father- but it was too late, as it would have been for Taka if his Father had walked past five minutes later. 

Because Taka’s Mother had been about to sell him. 

She was hospitalized permanently. To the end of her days, Taka never could quite bring himself to go see her- though that’s rather irrelevant to our story. 

To finish out our sidetrack, it was rather difficult for young Taka- who wanted to be independent, was learning to be a shinobi at an extremely fast pace- to come to an understanding with his Father, who had become more and more protective after the incident. This all came to a head the night Taka passed his graduation test, when he turned his back and left, refusing to look back, until today.

“No. Don’t do that. Can we just… talk? I don’t want to walk on eggshells, or have you walking on eggshells…” 

They did talk. 

Except for a few notes of observation, this narrative will give them their privacy during their talk. The first being that due to the awkwardness of the situation, Taka’s father didn’t notice anything off in the way Taka acted. Second, Kakashi, unlike the narrative, has no respect for privacy, and is a rather good eavesdropper. Finally, Taka had a small step of growth, where deep into the night when he was in bed- helped by his Dad, he realized that he was rather calm, and drifted off to sleep comparatively easily.

There isn’t much to note about the rest of his visit, slow recovery- of both the wound and the relationship. Perhaps another time. When Taka is finally on his own two feet again, he promises to write- A promise he keeps, though the first letter he sends consists solely of the word ‘Hello’. 

And, for once, things are okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if y'all noticed... and I really don't know why I find it so funny... but Kakashi refers to Taka(shi)'s Dad as Shi-san (I don't have names for Takashi's parents, lmao) and he did it three times and I had a really hard time writing because I was laughing so hard.
> 
> Edit:: I was thinking about the next part, and actually due to the rewrite I have a gap in the narrative, I have an idea what I'm going to put there (... date time) but it's also a good opportunity to take suggestions from you guys, so if there's anything you guys want to see let me know! (There is more BAMF!Taka coming, though it might take me a minute to get to because more goes on in the next part then I thought lmao)


	14. New Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura meets her temporary team members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Sakura is out of character, I honestly don't care. I really tried my best but I just couldn't write her as the complete doormat airhead that she tends toward being in Naruto. I didn't fix all of her problems in one scene but I couldn't help but lay groundwork in here.  
I did have fun though. I laughed pretty hard writing this.

She was getting sick of this. She really, really was. It was bad enough that both Sasuke and Naruto had left her, she had to do her normal duties and be apprenticed to Tsunade at the same time, and her parents could barely look her in the eye, Kakashi-sensei had to add to it! 

Really, if it wouldn't kill him to not be late for once, the least he could do was not being a strange man with him! Okay, a strange, _hot_, man, but a strange man all the same. 

He had the best posture she had ever seen. He carried himself like a soldier- with dignity. Something none of her teammates could touch with a ten foot pole. Even, she reluctantly admits, Sasuke couldn't quite measure up to the level of confidence this man held himself with. He has tousled black hair, and dark green eyes- She thinks. In this lighting, they could just as easily be blue.

He's a couple inches shorter than Kakashi-sensei, but still tall. Hmmm, he would probably look nice if he smiled, but the carefully neutral look on his face kind of creeped her out. All in all, 8/10, would date if he wasn't 7 years older than her and Sasuke didn't exist. She might ramp it up to a 9.5 if he smiled. 

What was her point again? Right. It didn't matter that he was hot, she really wasn't in the mood for being introduced to new, weird people right now.

Kakashi-sensei, I'm glad you're on time, but we can't get to work with this person here! You've been distracted for months Sensei, tell him he has to go!"

She points a trembling finger at the man, so Sensei can't try and misinterpret her meaning.

"Maaa, Sakura-Chan…" Sensei hems and haws, so the strange man cuts in.

"Somehow, I think she's gotten ruder than last time. Can you get your finger out of my face? I'm not here willingly either, you know?"

She sticks her finger further into his face, just to prove that she can’t be ordered around, “If you aren’t here willingly than leave! We don’t need you.”

The man snubs her, turning to Sensei, “If you brought me here just to get yelled at by a Genin, you’re going to pay for the next _four_.” 

She nearly erupts with rage. How dare he ignore her! How rude can a person get? Just because she’s a Genin doesn’t mean she deserves to be treated like this-

Sensei finally interjects, good. Maybe now she’ll get the respect she deserves.

“Ahhh… Takashi, Sakura-chan can be… uh… confident,” Confident? Sensei saw her as confident? “ And Sakura-chan, actually, we can’t start work _without_ Takashi here. He and one other person who isn’t quite here yet will be serving as replacements for Naruto and the other one until they come back.” 

Replacements?!?! How dare they! This was her team! No one could replace Naruto or Sasuke! She’s just opening her mouth to say so, when the man, Takashi-san? Beats her to the punch. Literally.

He drives his knuckles into Sensei’s hair, giving him a good knock on the head, “And you’re just telling us this now? Be a dick to me all you want, but Sakura at least deserves a warning after everything. Is it your goal to consistently drop shocking information on people out of nowhere? Go jump into a manga!” 

She turns beet red. His language! She’s torn between being mad about how rude he’s being in the way he refers to her, and being glad that someone is willing to stand up to Sensei’s ridiculousness. 

“Sorry about that,” Sensei says, not sounding very sorry at all. Then, before Sakura can even BEGIN to scold Sensei for his behavior, he trips Takashi-san!

Takashi-san hits the ground hard. She lets out a shriek of surprise, “Sensei!” 

Takashi-san sits up, his neutral demeanor now on the verge of anger, “Oh now you’ve done it.”

In a fluid motion, one she’s not sure she could replicate if she tried, he launches off the ground, tackling Sensei. They devolve into a mix of sparring and wrestling match. 

For a second, she’s overwhelmed. These are two Jonin ninja, fighting. What was she supposed to do? What if they hurt each other? What if- Her thoughts are abruptly cut off by laughter. 

Is that- Is that Sensei? 

Struck dumb by the sound, she completely freezes. Her panic dwindles as shock takes over. She’d never heard Kakashi-Sensei laugh. He’d never talked to her about it directly, like he had with Naruto, or with Sasuke. She’d been there for Naruto, but she just had an inkling about Sasuke. Anyway, she knew that he was in a lot of pain. She’d honestly thought that he just never felt like laughing.

She felt odd. 

When was the last time she had laughed like that?

A young woman joins them in the clearing. She has a short bob of dark brown hair, highlighting her heart shaped face. She has a hard look in her eyes, and wears a baggy jacket (easy to take off?) over a practical tank top, and cargo jeans. A tattoo snakes up her neck, too obscured to make out. She might be a couple years older than Sakura.

All in all, 9/10, would be extremely protective of Sasuke, if he was around.

Finally deciding to just ignore the wrestling adults, she turns to the newcomer and gives her her best smile, “Hello! My name is Haruno Sakura. You must be the other temporary member Kakashi-Sensei was telling me about,” She puts her hand out for a handshake, waiting for the other girls response.

She takes it, giving Sakura a polite smile, “You can call me Haruhi. Nice to meet you.”

Sensei sits up, pushing Takashi-san off him, “Ah Haruhi-chan. Sorry, sorry, I thought it would take more effort to get this idiot out of the house, so I told you a time that was a little late.”

Takashi-san’s foot meets Sensei’s face. She gasps, shocked, “Takashi-san!”

Sensei goes down. He’s obviously overreacting, but Takashi-san at least has the decency to look contrite. 

“Sorry. Not my best first impression, nice to meet you Haruhi,” He turns to her. His eyes, which had been mirthful just seconds before, were now carefully black again, “Sakura, we haven’t officially met. I’m Takashi, I’m a little rusty, but I’m a Jonin and will be temporarily joining your team. Thank you for having me.” 

How is he both so polite and so rude at the same time? Not to mention he still has Kakashi-sensei stuck under his foot!

She turns to Haruhi, wide-eyed. The other girl seems to have decided to ignore the actions of her new comrades, opting to make her own introduction.

“I’m Haruhi. I’m a Chuunin hoping to gain the skills and recognition needed to advance to Jonin level. I’m honored to be under your care.”

“Can I get up now,” Sensei just has to ruin the moment!

Takashi-san lets him up, with what she would interpret as a sneer if he wasn’t so collected. Did he and Sensei like each other or not? She honestly wasn’t sure what to make of this new Sensei she was seeing. She’d never really seen him be anything other than the lazy but competent professional that he always acted like. It was weird to hear him laugh and see him joke around and take jabs at somebody like Naruto and Sasuke.

Sensei dusts himself off, “Alright, everyone has been introduced. We’re not really planning to do much today other than meet up. I’ll pass out the mission details for tomorrow. I expect you all to review them tonight. It’s a basic mission, but one that fits the skill level of this team, so it’ll be a good team building exercise before we get into training.” 

They all nod and murmur their assent as Sensei passes the scrolls around.

Haruhi-chan begins to read the scroll, but Sensei stops her.

Sakura gets a strong feeling of dread up her spine.

“Sensei, whatever you’re thinking I really think that it’s not necessary we’re all-” Sensei claps his hands together, interrupting her, and, at the same time, completely ignoring her.

“Now! It’s time for!” Oh Kami-sama, no, “Team-building exercises!” 

She groans, dumping her head into her hands. “Sensei, Sensei _please_,” She’s not above begging when it comes to team building exercises. They’re modern torture devices. 

“Originally, I was going to have you throw eggs off of cliffs, but then it hit me that that was insensitive to a certain persons trauma, so that’s out,” Sensei pauses just as Sakura can’t take it any more.

“Please get to the point! If we’re going to waste time on this exercise instead of the mission no matter what at least don’t be long-winded about it- hold on, trauma?”

She glances at Haruhi-chan, and then Takashi-san. She certainly doesn’t have any trauma relating to eggs, and she’s seen Kakashi-sensei eat them before.

Takashi-san raises his hand, as carefully blank as ever. She might be getting used to it a little, “I fell off a cliff recently. The story’s classified.”

“Which is why,” Kakashi-sensei interrupts, “We’re going to build a shelter blindfolded.”

“What.”

“What.”

“What.”

The three of them voice their incredulity in unison, staring at Sensei. Sensei completely ignores them, pulling out three blindfolds. 

“I got pink for Sakura, but they only had one black one, who wants the chartreuse one?” 

Five minutes later, the three of them are wearing blindfolds, both Takashi-san and Sensei sporting a few more cuts and bruises. Sensei is wearing his headband over his eyes, and Takashi-san ended up with the chartreuse blindfold. Sakura would comment on how ridiculous it looks on him, but she can only see a sliver of light past the blindfold.

She fumbles around in the dark, looking for sticks or branches or something to get the shelter started with, but mainly trying to keep away from trees. Haruhi calls out to her from a few feet away, “Sakura, come over here. If we have a start point we might be able to coordinate from there.” 

That’s a good idea. She starts toward Haruhi, “Keep talking to me, I’m not sure I can keep my bearings like this for long.”

“Alright, I can do that. Is Kakashi-san usually like that? He seemed rather distracted.”

“He tends to put on a playful image, but Sensei really is reliable. He’s just… odd.”

He _was_ acting more odd than usual today, however.

“I see. I suppose I’ll get a better idea tomorrow on the mission itself.”

Sakura feels a tree beneath her fingers, and Haruhi sounds close enough that she’s pretty sure she has the right tree, “Alright, I’m here.”

They’re interrupted by a loud clatter, followed by a duo of snickers. 

“Sensei?” She calls out.

The snickers slowly break up, “We’re alright Sakura,” Sensei answers, “We thought we would stick together and try to make our way over to you and tripped over each other.”

“_You_ tripped over _me_.”

“I tripped over Takashi,” Sensei amends. 

They never do manage to build a shelter. It falls down for the upteenth time from someone stumbling into it when Sensei lets out a slight, “Ah.”

They all turn to look at the general direction the sound came from.

He clears his throat, sounding sheepish, “I think one of us is supposed to be able to see and direct the others without doing the actual building.”

And that was they end of team-building exercises. 

She keeps the blindfold though, it _is_ a nice shade of pink. 

After a nice little bonfire where the three of them pointedly ignore Sensei until he brings them marshmallows, they do another quick huddle to close out the day.

“That was fun,” Sensei starts, “But tomorrow we’re going to have to be serious. Sakura, while you look over the mission details think about the level of professionalism you’re going to have to bring to the table with the new team dynamic. Haruhi, I want you to think about how you would go about the mission if you were on your own, and then create a few different plans for if it’s only you and one of us, or a combination of us. Takashi, you and I will go over what you need to focus on in more detail later.”

They all acknowledge Sensei before he continues, “We will protect this village with teamwork, skill, and determination. We are the ones who get everyone in the village through what’s happening now, and everything that might happen in the future.”

She feels oddly like he’s talking specifically to her. He’s not quite looking at her, but she can feel it in her bones. Her, Naruto and Sasuke. They were going to protect the village, and each other. 

They were.

“Thank you. That’s all,” His entire tone changes, and he leans back, the light-hearted Sensei she knows once again, “Have a good afternoon.”

He turns and leaves. It surprises her every time, he somehow knows when she wants to talk and when she doesn’t. 

Takashi-san follows closely on his heels, which leaves her once again wondering what the deal with those two is. She almost wishes she could hear the conversation they’re having, but as nosy as she is she doesn’t stoop to eavesdropping like Naruto. 

She turns to Haruhi, expecting to complain to her about Sensei again, maybe have a conversation with her, but the other nin simply gives her a salute and heads on her way without saying a word.  
Watching her leave, standing in the clearing, alone, she suddenly feels very lonely.

Sensei and Takashi… She still didn’t understand them, but they seemed really comfortable with each other. 

Haruhi too. She didn’t even seem bothered by their behavior. She seemed relaxed. Like she had someone she could talk to, that always listened. 

She thinks of Sasuke. 

Of the cold looks he gives her. Ignoring her. Not even being able to protect him. The only time he had shown he had cared about her at all he’d been hyped up on a curse given to him by the number one criminal of all the hidden villages. 

She thinks about how she’s been treating Naruto, too. She wasn’t much better, if she was being completely honest with herself.

She clenches her fists. No. Self-pity wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Sensei had said it, didn’t he? She had to think about the professionalism she needed to bring to the table now. She was going to protect the village. 

She was going to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I! Made a tumblr! intaspend.tumblr.com Ask me anything, about the series, or writing or otherwise. I'll be updating about the series, and I might ask for reader feedback. Also, if you want to be a Beta reader (please, anybody) you can contact me easily through there (I... think??????? I'm not a big tumblr user.) I'm also using it to mark my Japanese progress, so you might be interested in that.   
I took reader advice here, so please do let me know what you think!


	15. Another word for down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a tumblr where I post updates~ intaspend.tumblr.com ~

There’s little that Taka hated more than admitting he was wrong. Regrettably, he was wrong. Before he had tried it, he had assumed that meeting a new team and training with them would be a horrible experience. That was probably what had lead Kakashi into lying to him about what they were doing when they left to meet Sakura.

It wasn’t horrible. He’s tempted to use the word ‘fun’, but he can’t be certain that’s exactly what he means.

Haruhi was quite the interesting character. She had a drive that he didn’t have. He’s not sure he could have stayed that long as a Chuunin without being driven insane. He’d taught at the Ninja academy one time and was grateful to never have to do so again.

He hadn’t gotten much time to speak to her between Kakashi being his usual self, and attempting not to fall over his own feet, but he’d have to make time in the future to do so. 

It wasn’t like Kakashi was going to do it.

It felt odd walking away with Kakashi, but he couldn’t seem to help it. After he’d recovered from his injuries, he found it hard to be alone. The idea of collapsing like he so often had during his recovery while no one was around- or worse, a stranger was around- tied him to Kakashi in a way he otherwise wouldn’t have even considered.

They go back to his apartment rather than Kakashi’s. Kakashi doesn’t like anyone being there. In Taka’s opinion, he doesn’t like being there himself much. Besides, Kakashi lectures Naruto from a place of knowledge, and Taka keeps his kitchen well-stocked. 

It had seemed a little pointless before, an exercise in keeping his skill up-to-date should it be needed, but now he was grateful for the ability to make dinner for the both of them.

It kept someone in the apartment a little while longer.

… And there was something else.

Kakashi had been acting… off. It hadn’t been so prominent earlier, during training, but it was now. 

It was stifling, even when Taka was busy stirring the sauce. 

He had absolutely no idea what it was. All he knew is that his instincts were screaming at him that there was something different about Kakashi. 

He had also noticed a distinct lack of snarky comments lately. 

Unsure of why, Taka turns his head towards Kakashi. Maybe intending to study him, triple-check for any clues toward what’s different.

This proves itself completely unnecessary. 

He’s sitting at the table. Sometimes he sits there after he sets the table, but he usually stands. His hands are folded, pressed into the table almost like it’s the only thing keeping him up. Other people have expressed the opinion that it’s hard to tell what Kakashi’s thinking with three quarters of his face covered, but when Taka knows the emotion he’s never had that problem. 

Kakashi’s sad. 

That’s when it clicks for him. 

Sasuke.

He’d been so preoccupied with his injuries that it hadn’t even occurred to him that Kakashi might be more affected by Sasuke’s departure than he’d let on. 

He swallows, and clenches the spoon a little harder than necessary. He turns his gaze back to the sauce, forcing himself to keep stirring it slowly instead of letting out the nervous energy like he wants to. 

He doesn’t know how to deal with this. He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t _want to_. Turning away had always been so much easier, especially when doing so had been part of his job description. 

He swallows again past the lump in his throat. 

He goes through the motions of putting the food together as he argues with himself. 

Kakashi had helped him through a lot. He owes him a listening ear at the very least. 

He sets the plates down. Kakashi had masked his expression quickly. Now, he looks laid-back, ready to enjoy food. 

Something hurts deep in his chest. It hurts to look at him. He doesn’t like it at all.

All he wants to do is ignore it. Clenching his teeth, he pushes the emotion down as far as he can. He’s ignored emotions plenty of times before this isn’t- “Kakashi,” Wait, what’s he doing? What’s he   
saying? He clears his throat, “Talk to me,” It feels like a chain inside him has snapped, opening a door he had kept firmly shut all this time, “I’ll always listen to you, so talk to me Kakashi.”

His jaw clicks shut as he regains control of his mouth. There’s a rush of strong emotions that force him to breath deeply, but are quickly squashed. 

Silence reigns. The longer it goes on, the more he fears the feelings overwhelming him. He clenches his chopsticks so hard he can barely feel his fingers.

“W-what do you mean?” Kakashi tried to laugh it off. It’s so obviously fake that even Taka knows better than to buy it, “I don’t have anything interesting to talk about.”

Faster than Taka can even think his mouth is taking the reigns, “You asked me once if I was okay,” What the _fuck was he saying, _“I didn’t really understand at the time. I still don’t get it- not completely,” _Shut the fuck up Taka,_ “But I’m starting to get a sense of what you meant. And I can sense it from you- and from me too. I’m not okay, but I don’t know how to articulate that.”

SHUT UP.

“So I’ll listen to you in the meantime,” His voice fades out as his consciousness takes back control of his mouth. He tenses his jaw, determined not to say another word. 

There’s a long silence that Taka can’t help but be grateful for as he continues to fight for control over his traitorous mouth. 

The silence is broken several minutes later by Kakashi. He’s speaking softer than Taka has ever heard him speak.

“Do I… “ Taka looks up, in time to see Kakashi close his eyes, brow tense, “Do you think Sasuke is similar to me?”

Surprised by the question, he blurts out a ‘no’ from his traitorous mouth before he can think about it. 

He clears his throat for what feels like the millionth time that night, “I mean, I guess I can see some superficial similarities, but you take personal responsibility for things, Sasuke doesn’t. I guess another superficial similarity is that you both take that to extremes but… I guess you never really had a personal agenda? Or maybe it’s more that Sasuke wants to hurt people. In any case, he doesn’t really remind me of you at all.”

Kakashi is silent again for a longer moment.

“Do you think I could have helped him?”

“I have no idea. My Dad says you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, so you can take that as you will.”

He stands, leaving the food be. It’ll still be there when they’re finished talking, and he has a microwave. 

He motions for Kakashi to follow him. He doesn’t have a couch, so he goes to the bed. He pulls out his extra pillows and blankets and throws them onto the bed in a haphazard pile, “I heard somewhere that when you talk about feelings you’re supposed to do so on something really comfy.”

He takes a bit of convincing, but eventually they both settle into the bed in their slacks and t-shirts.

Kakashi seems to realize he’s not backing down, but still being uncomfortable with the situation, he mumbles, making Taka fill in the gaps, “I feel like- It’s almost like there’s karma against me. Every time   
I really care about the person involved that I want to help, it’s almost like me deciding to help is what finally pushes things over the edge and ends things.”

He has, in all honestly, no idea what to say that, so he just hums under his breath and presses his shoulder into Kakashi’s. 

From there, it’s easy for him to keep going, murmuring his anxieties to Taka, surrounded by the silence of the night. 

They fall asleep that way, pressed up against each other, both vulnerable for the first time in years.

~~~~~~

He feels better the next day, which is an odd feeling. He’s cold as well. He can’t really complain. Knowing Kakashi opened up to him, even just a little, feels worth a bit of cold.

Kakashi is still asleep, which is such an out of character thing to happen that Taka stares at him for two full minutes, expecting him to admit to being awake for hours. Kakashi always had the upper hand, so he’s genuinely surprised that’s not the case now.

He stays asleep. It’s cute. His hair is trapped beneath his head, pulling it down and making him look like he has regular, unspikey hair that listens to the laws of gravity. Even though he can’t see Kakashi’s face, he can tell his mouth is slightly open.

In other words, he looks nothing like the dignified nin he portrays himself as, and it’s adorable.

He stands up slowly, unwilling to wake Kakashi. He needs his sleep. Frankly, he’s not sure that Kakashi sleeps every day or even every week. Just as carefully, he folds the blanket over Kakashi, so he won’t be cold when he wakes.

He sneaks into the kitchen to make pancakes.

That’s what people do, right? When they have sleepovers? Make pancakes in the morning? Taka’s inexperience with normalcy had prevented him from ever having such a domestic moment.

He’s glad he bothers to keep up on his cooking skills. He always figured that they would do well for any undercover missions they might finally put him on, but this is a decent use for them as well.

He gets the feeling Kakashi is far too similar to Naruto in eating habits. Not that he’s one to talk.

He's a little torn. He wants to let Kakashi sleep, but he also wants to know if he wants blueberries or chocolate chips in his pancakes. (He'd had the chocolate chips a ridiculously long time. He'd been genuinely surprised they were still good.)

He decides not to risk ruining a good pancake, and puts a good amount of blueberries and chocolate chips in tiny serving cups. 

Taka's always been a bit of a perfectionist. Not that he knows the difference between a decent amount of effort or perfectionism, but that's what the girl he might have been together with but had never really noticed had told him.

The first couple pancakes are almost done when Kakashi steps out into the kitchen.

He must have fixed his hair first, because it's just as gravity defying as always now.

“Oh. You're cooking,” He stands in the doorway, looking a little awkward. He glances at a chair every couple seconds but doesn't move to sit.

“Go ahead and sit down, what’s mine is yours,” He waves his spatula vaguely at the table. It’s satisfying to see Kakashi sit down there, resting his cheek on his fist.

He pushes the pancakes he just finished onto a plate, then pauses, looking back at Kakashi, “You’re staring. Why are you staring?”

Kakashi grins a little, “You aren’t wearing a shirt.”

He looks down. “Oh,” he’s not wearing a shirt, “I must have taken it off in my sleep. I can go put one on?”

Kakashi leans back, shrugging, “I don’t mind.”

He shrugs as well, turning back to the pancakes. 

If it was anyone else, perhaps he would have spared them the sight. After the burns, being stabbed, and the fall, his chest and back were now mostly made up of scar tissue, besides the ones he already had. He was aware that most people reacted adversely to such things, but Kakashi showed no signs of minding, and shirts tend to itch. 

“I have blueberries and chocolate chips here, I already finished these pancakes but I can make another batch if you want some?”

“No need.”

There’s a slight blur in the kitchen, and between one blink and the next, Kakashi has grabbed his stack of pancakes, slathered them with maple syrup, dropped generous amounts of blueberries and chocolate chips on, and got back in his seat like nothing happened.

Seriously, how does he do that? He really wants to know, he would abuse it so much.

“How do you like your pancakes?” Kakashi mumbles through a mouthful of pancake.

Out of politeness, Taka keeps turned toward the counter. He focuses his eyes on what he’s doing, making a second batch of pancakes for himself. He knows he personally finds it annoying when you’re trying to eat and someone won’t look away long enough to get more than half a bite at a time if you don’t want them to see under your mask.

“I tend to eat them plain, but I might try your way today. I have the time, after all.”

Haha, they were both going to be so late. Kakashi would probably have to run home to get properly ready, and Taka wasn’t even dressed yet.

He flips the pancakes.

“Just maple syrup is nice, but the fruit and sugar really make it pop.”

“Oh, no, I meant that I don’t even put maple syrup on them. I usually curl them up and eat them on my way to my mission.”

Kakashi starts staring again, he can feel the gaze on his back.

“I’m going to have to bring you a different sweet every day until the end of time, because that’s just that sad.”

“What? I thought pancakes were normal food, what did I do wrong?”

He hears a thump that distinctly reminds him of a head thumping onto a table.

“You need sugar in your life Takashi. Sugar is what keeps us living.”

He’s… pretty sure that’s water, but Kakashi probably knows more than him about it. Maybe it had an important compound that’s hard to get from other places. 

He slides his pancakes onto a plate, “Are you done eating?”

He hears the sound of a fork hitting the bottom of a plate after cutting through something.

“It’s not a big deal. It’s funny to mess with the kids, but it’s not that important.”

That makes sense. If it was that important, he would probably ask the kids not to do it seriously, instead of egging them on by teasing them.

He makes his pancakes up the same as Kakashi, then turns to sit down.

Huh, not what he was expecting really.

They both keep quiet through the rest of the meal, except for when they’re nearly finished.

“Good, right?”

Taka nods in agreement. It was way better than plain pancakes. He could never go back now. He was lost to the world of adorned pancakes.

He pops a blueberry in his mouth that's more syrup than blueberry, “This is really good. I didn't know food got this good, and I cook on a regular basis. It seems you’ve corrupted me.”

Kakashi chuckles, and sticks the last of his pancakes in his mouth.

Taka slaps himself on the forehead, “Dammit, I'm sorry, I forgot to ask if you want anything to drink. I've got water and Orange Juice if you want something?”

Kakashi nods a little, and chews a bit faster to finish so he can speak, “Yeah I should probably have a glass of water before I head out. Where are the glasses?”

Taka points him in the right direction, then turns back to his food. It really is better with syrup and the like than it is without. Just as Taka is finishing his food, Kakashi jumps up on the kitchen windowsill with his mask back on.

“As much as I love making the kids wait, I've got a bit of a bad feeling so I'm going to head home. Thanks for the food,” Kakashi gestures goodbye and jumps out the window.

Taka waves after him with a sigh.

“He could have at least closed the window.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'down' as in 'downy feathers' as in 'fluff'. Thanks to my amazing Beta reader blanketsareus (on tumblr)!!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment


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